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The more population a country have, the more amount of water will be used. Cambridge IELTS 6 Test 1



ahk 2 / 2  
Jan 12, 2016   #1
I would like to know how much band score can I get in IELTS?

Cambridge IELTS 6 Test 1 Writing Test 1

The line graph compares and contrasts data on the changes in the amount of water consumption in worldwide according to three categories(agriculture, industry and domestic) over a 100-year-period from 1900 to 2000. And, the table shows information about the use of water in two countries namely Brazil and Democratic Republic of Congo in 2000.

Overall, there were increasing trends of water consumption in all three sectors throughout the period.
The largest amount of water was used by agricultural processes. It stated the period with 500 km3 followed by a steady rise to 1000km3 in 1950 and then it surged dramatically to 3000 km3 in 2000. Industrial and domestic sectors remained nearly the same under 200 km3 until 1950. Then, the consumption of water by industries rose significantly throughout the period and reached to 1000 km3 in 2000, whereas that of domestic sector reported 300 km3 at the end of the period.

From the table, the populations of Brazil and Congo in 2000 were 176 million and 5.2 million respectively. There were 100 km2 of irrigated land in Congo while Brazil had more than 265 times more than Congo did. Although the amount of water used by each person in Congo showed only 8m3, that of Brazilian claimed about 49 times more than Congo.(359 m3).

It can be said from the data that, the more population a country have, the more amount of water will be used.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 12, 2016   #2
I think that this would score a 5 in its current form. The essay just basically gets the job done. There are no surprises or stunning revelations in your writing style or formatting. In fact, the writing style and formatting definitely need work because the essay you wrote can be quite confusing. There is no strength nor conviction on your part as the writer, in terms of how you presented the information in the report.

Here are the changes I would make to this essay by the way, you forgot to upload the image again. Please make sure to upload it with your next practice essay for our reference. Thanks.

... changes in the amount of water consumption in worldwide according to three categories(agriculture, industry and domestic)...
... 1900 to 2000. And, the THE table shows information about the use of water in two countries namely Brazil and Democratic Republic of Congo in 2000.

... It stated A the period with 500 km3 followed...

The essay is confusing, does not contain a proper overview, is weak when it comes to reporting facts and figures, and does not provide an adequate conclusion. You have a lot of work ahead of you in terms of improving your Writing Task 1 skills. Don't lose heart though, you will improve provided you don't get tired of practicing.


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