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IELTS task 1: The population of fishers and exported fish in the world


veaenia 3 / 5 7  
Aug 3, 2015   #1
Hello guys, please help me with this essay!
Thank you

The chart and table show the number of fishers in millions for different regions between 1970, 1980, and 2000, and the world's top ten exporters of fish in 2000.

A comparison of the number of people who make a living by fishing in Asia, Africa, South America, North America, and Europe from 1970 to 2000, a 3-decade period measured in millions of people is illustrated in the bar chart. The table shows the main fish producer from 10 different countries in the world.

Overall, it is immediately apparent that in thirty years the population of fishers increased in all regions, but a reverse were experienced by South America and Africa. In this case, Asian countries witnessed the highest rise from all and dominated the half of world fish market in 2000.

In 1970, the highest number of world fishermen was living in Asia, and the figure shows a significant rise, from 9 millions to 24 millions within 30 years. Standing at just under 1.3 millions, Africa came second position in the population of the fish catchers. There was a dramatic rise in the number of fishers in Africa, 0.7 millions in three decades. Likewise, the graph for North America also went up significantly to 1.2 million people in the question period. The data of South American fishers remained virtually unchanged, about 1.2 millions. There was a fluctuation in the total fishers in Europe, with the least number from all, but then the 2000 figure recovered to that of 1970.

A closer look at the table shows that the first position of top ten fish exporters in 2000 was settled by Thailand. Following this, Norway and USA broke a record as the second and third place respectively. While Indonesia and South Korea contributed the least number of fish in the world, the figures for China and Taiwan hovered at 4th and 7th rank, above those of Indonesia and South Korea.





lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 3, 2015   #2
Hello, this is an excellent first paragraph that was written. The remainder portion of the essay I will focus on errors in your writing.

There is one slight error in the 2nd paragraph. Change were to "was" when you discuss South America and Africa. The next sentence needs some words deleted, "...the highest rise and dominated half of the world fish market in 2000."

Millions should be changed to "million" in this essay. When you discuss Africa and its position, change the beginning of the sentence to: "At just under 1.3 million, Africa came in second with the most population of fish catchers." Instead of using in the question period to describe North America, you could state "during that period". The last sentence in the paragraph, change from to "of ".

The last paragraph place a comma before respectively.
shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Aug 5, 2015   #3
Very good writing :)

Overall, it is immediately apparent that in thirty years the population of fishers increased in all regions, but a reverse were was experienced by South America and Africa. In this case, Asian countries witnessed the highest rise of world fish market in 2000, dominating the half of all listed countries.

In 1970, the highest number of world fishermen was living in Asia, and the figure showsshowed a significant rise, from 9 millions to 24 millions(*)

* When you are writing large numbers, do not add an 's' to the number: 9 million, NOT 9 millions . The plural form is only used to give an approximate idea: millions of people.

Hope this little feedback helps you.
Good luck!
Bayuwibowo 48 / 73 21  
Aug 31, 2015   #4
- In 1970 , the highest number of world fishermen was living in Asia witnessed rose significantly , from 9 millions to 24 millions within 30 years.

Please use past Tense, since it was happened in the past time.
you can use rose significantly, dropped, increased dramtically, plunged to.

Good writing!!
Thank you :)


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