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'positive and inspirational trend' - IELTS: Creative artists' freedom



humanx 3 / 5  
Nov 8, 2012   #1
Hi all,
firstly, i would like to thank all the contributors, senior writers and junior writers for their positive feedback over here.kindly, i would be very greatful and merciful weather you could proofread my essay :)

thanks a bunch

here is the topic of the argument
Creative artists should be given freedom to express their ideas through the words, pictures,music or films. some people nevertheless think that the government should restrict artists freedom of expressions. to what extent do you agree or disagree.

With the prevalent impact of esthetics on the world and the wide area that is given to artists to create, some people convince that the authorities organizations should be imposed an explicit limits that control the liberty of art in different types such as writing, painting,dancing and sculpture. However, there is another stand point which supports the freedom of speaking out .In my opinion, the restrictions that might be asserted could be unfair for most of art workers.

admittedly, the art and artists have great influence on shape of our society and they hugely inspire people.Since along time, art has been helping people to express about their thoughts and emotions, so people would become more creative and turn all their thoughts into positive actions that absolutely develop the world to better also there are famous artists had passed in our history such as Picasso who had added the cubism to painting as well as Leonardo da vinci both of them were a source of motivation and creativity .Hence, artists and their creations have been giving the humanity a tremendous meaning of beauty and inspiration.

However, the liberty of speech and creativity must be bordered because of multiple drawbacks that happened recently. Some writers,musician and photographer have been introducing a variety of offensive and obscene deeds that face a clear refuse and bring a harmful effect on the society. These works might be exhibited in galleries of sexual images, offensive paintings, child pornography and articles of defamation and discrimination. Thus, the government in cooperating with some religious organizations have made a censorship for a moraless art displays.

In conclusion, although there are some negative and moraless effects of art works, but the art and artist have been exerting a positive and inspirational trend over the history of humanity, culture and intellectual life. And i believe that the moral limits and restrictions should come from the inside of artist rather than enforcing a rules on their works.

dumi 1 / 6795  
Nov 9, 2012   #2
With the prevalent impact of esthetics on the world and the wide area that is given to artists to create, some people convince that the authorities organizations should be imposed an explicit limits that control the liberty of art in different types such as writing, painting,dancing and sculpture.

This sentence is too long so that the reader gets distracted confused and struggle to understand what you try to say. Try not to cramp up too many ideas into one sentence. Also you should use the most appropriate word at the right place and at the right time and avoid use the synonyms extensively because they may not be the appropriate words always. Write your ideas in a simple sentences with the words you are thorough while keeping a logical flow of ideas. That helps reader to follow your essay with ease and the reader likes it because he likes less effort to put for understanding.

I suggest you to read the following thread which is written on the same topic.... This person writes very short sentences, but they all are very factual and meaningfully supports the topic.
OP humanx 3 / 5  
Nov 11, 2012   #3
thanx alot dumi :)
i will consider every note you have said
god blee u all


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