The presence of children do not influence significantly the happiness level for their parents

A comparison breakdown regarding the happiness levels for married and unmarried people and people who have children can be seen in the bar charts. At first glance, we can notice that the happiness rating of married people is much higher than unmarried people and the presence of children do not give the significant influence towards the happiness level for married couples.

Moving to a detailed comparison, married people aged 18-29, 30-49 and 50-64 have the happiness rating 45%, 44% and 40% close behind. These figures are tow fold higher than the figure for unmarried people in the same age. Interestingly, the happiness level for unmarried people aged > 65 is much higher than the other figures in the same category.

It is important to note that the presence of children do not influence significantly the happiness level for their parents. It has proved from the data which shows that all categories of married couples have the happiness level above 40 %.

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Hi, Yusri. here my comments. Thank you.
A comparison breakdown regarding TO the happiness levels for married and unmarried people and people who have children can be seen in the bar charts.

remember the using of preposition
better to paraphrase the word 'people'

At first glance, we can notice that the happiness rating of married people is much higher than unmarried people and the presence of children do not give the A significant influence towards the happiness level for married couples.

paraphrase the word 'happiness' to enhance your lexical resource
this paragraph is less informed since you didn't mention that this just occurred in the USA based on survey conducted there

These figures are tow TWO fold higher than the figureS for unmarried people in the same age. Interestingly, the happiness level for unmarried people aged > 65 is much higher than the other figures SAME FIGURE in the same category.

It is important to note that the presence of children do not influence significantly
--> obviously same with the introduction. you need to paraphrase it
the happiness level for their parents. It has proved from the data which shows that all categories of married couples have the happiness level above 40 % how about them who have no children?incomplete information