_______Every thing is in the cycle of constant changing.Some technological tools such as computersi televisions, or phones are being generated and developed. Scientists or technicians are trying to improve things that they have produced. One of the things that is starting to become more smart and productive is smartphones. Due to the fact that everyone can puchase one of them, smart phones are in every part of our lives. That it will ring some advantages and disadvantages is a clear fact.
______Initially, one advantage of smart phones is that they are quite convenience. Smart phones can be used as a computer now so that people can work out their any type of problems with these phones. Also, it makes people's lives easy because using a smart phone, with one "click", a lot of thins can be done.Thanks to the smart phones, images or e-mail can be sent and received. Moreover, some social networking websites can be reached easily. In addition to this, in case an emergency, because of their accessibility, smart phones can be very beneficial. These advantages of using a samrt phone are very essential in today's people's eyes
_______As a disadvantage of smart phones, health hazards can be stated. because of the including radioactivite materials, they may cause some health problems such as herat and kidney damage, cancer, or fatigue. Another disadvantage is that drivers are using these phones while they are driving. Most drivers disregard that using a phone is dangerous during driving but it is a disractive factor which may cause accidents and even deaths. The other disadvantage which may affect people's lives negatively is that every smart phone brings an ignition risk at places with combustible materials such as gas station. This is a very important thing that people should be careful. These advantages may have a negative impact on people's lives.
______As a result, the producing and developing of phones have som positive and negative features which can make people's lives easier ır create a dangerous circumstance for people.
1st paragraph: Everything is one word. Replace the "i" at the end of computer with a comma. I'm unclear about your last sentence. Will you be discussing the advantages and disadvantages of producing and developing smart phones?
2nd paragraph: Delete initially in this first paragraph. You can start the paragraph with "One". You used convenience rather than convenient. Describe more clearly what you mean by working out problems with a smart phone? Can a person accomplish many tasks that involve more than talking? Change thins to things. Change the last sentence in this paragraph. Smart was misspelled. Also, you want to end the sentence with, "people's eyes today."
3rd paragraph: Revise the first sentence. Are you trying to express that the disadvantages of using smart phones are health hazards? I would try to avoid starting a sentence with "because". You can make this next sentence into two sentences. Ex: One health hazard is radioactive materials. These materials can lead to heart and kidney damage, cancer, or fatigue. *If this comes from a source, please cite your source. (Good point to make about distracted drivers!) Please change disractive factor to distraction so the sentence is easier to understand. Explain how there is an ignition risk? Are you referring to talking on the phone while pumping gas? Revise the last two sentences. What should people be careful about? Also, you were discussing disadvantages in this paragraph so the last paragraph should end with disadvantages rather than advantages.
4th paragraph: There are minor issues in this last sentence. There is a misspelling of some and a misspelling of "or". Can you add more in your summary or is there a limit on the amount of words you can use? I think you could make this better by adding two or more sentences.
thank you so much for your feedback
and yes ı had misspelled the "i"..
actually, ı was going to talk about just advantages and disadvantages of smart phones. ı just wanted to add the words "producing and developing"..
ı wrote this essay very quickly, so ı am sorry the words that ı misspelled. :)
thank you for all comments and advices..
