Products price fluctuation - fresh fruits and vegetables, sugars and sweets, and carbonated drinks

Writing - IELTS Task 1 - Line graph

Hi everyone! I'm a new member. I'm practicing for ielts but my english is not really good. If you are not busy, please help me find out some mistakes that I have made, thanks for all ^^

[The graph above shows relative price changes for fresh fruits and vegetables, sugars and sweets, and carbonated drinks between 1979 and 2009 in the US]

My writing:
The line graph provides information about changes in prices of three different food product groups, and the overall trend of Consumer-price index from 1979 and 2009 in the US.

Overall, it is clear that the prices increased in all the three food product groups and fluctuated slightly over 30 years. Only the price for fresh fruits and vegetables were significantly higher than the Consumer Price Index.

In the first year 1979, all lines of the graph had a same figure at approximately 60. Over the period, the Consumer-price index went up gradually to over 200 in 2009. The prices for sugar and sweets and carbonated drinks had the similar upward trend. However since 1987, they were consistently below the CPI throughout the remainder of the period. Finally, the figure for carbonated drinks stood at 150, which was lower than the figure for sugar and sweets at 200 in 2009.

Prices for fresh fruits and vegetables, which had the same stating figure of 60 in 1979, had risen steadily with a few fluctuations before reaching at roughly 330 by the year 2009.

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Hi,

Some points that I noticed:

1. Some grammatical errors, such as: ...from 1979 and 2009 --> should be --> from 1979 to 2009
I personally prefer mentioning country followed by time duration, so I will change the sentence to: The line graph provides information about price change of three food products and the overall trend of Consumer-price index in the US from 1979 to 2009.

2. Sentence: In the first year 1979, all lines of the graph had a same figure at approximately 60.
Change to: In 1979, the graph shows the price of the three products lingers at 60.

3. Your writing lacks conclusion. Try developing your concluding sentence at the end of your writing. IELTS does emphasis on the way you structure your writing: opening, content development, conclusion.

Good luck!

> Overall, it is clear that the prices .... Only Whereas, the price for of fresh fruits ...

> Should not be using the order like firstly, secondly, finally, etc in the IELTS's essay.
> Finally In addition, ... lower than the figure for sugar and ...
> Try to write shortly and clearly as you can. Avoid written redundantly words.

> You did not know exactly what the numbers in this essay are, so you should not be more clear of the number. Using words such as around, negligible, merely, etc.

P/s:
1. You should use more coherence and cohesion, this is the link you can check (~doregan/Writing/Cohesion.html).
2. You should be compared to three food product groups and written 'Consumer-price index' in the other paragraph.
3. You have to compare where the relevant is.

Thank you for your comment ^^
I'll try to follow your advice :))

Nguyen, you have to complete your prompt overview when presenting your report otherwise your TA score will be low. The prompt overview basically outlines the type of information presentation and the chronological order of the assessment you will be presenting. That is why all the information for discussion has to be presented beforehand. Your prompt overview only indicated the type of graph, a reference to the three different food groups, and the trend of the measurement. What you neglected to present, to complete the paragraph are:

1. An enumeration of the graph color guide details
2. Source of the information as indicated at the bottom of the chart
3. A clear trending statement. That is one sentence, not 2 sentences.

When you claim that there is a similar upward trend, you need to cite the information that will prove this statement. Remember, you are writing an analytical report. Without evidence, your statement becomes questionable. All of your information must be supported by data from the image.