The proportion between Australian males and females who did exercise regularly - IELTS 1 - Bar chart

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

IELTS Cambridge 12 - test 5. Writing task 1

THE POPULARITY OF PHYSICAL EXERCISES IN AUSTRALIA

The bar chart compares the proportion between Australian males and females who did exercise regularly among various age groups in 2010.

Overall, the percentage of men who did regular activity in the youngest age group (15 to 24) was larger than women while this figure in the oldest age category (above 65 years old) was almost the same. For middle ages, the given data shows that women exercised more fluently than men.

For male, the proportion hit the peak at 52.8% in the group age 15 to 24, and dropped to 42.2% (for people who were between 25 and 34 years old) before bottomed at 39.5% for the group age 35 to 44. However, this number increased steadily to 46.7% for those who were above 65 years old.

Starting at 47.7% in the youngest group age, the percentage of women who did exercise regularly rose gradually to 52.5% for the ages 35 to 44 and reached the highest at 53.5% in the group age 45 to 54, then remained almost the same level at the group age 55 to 64 before went down to 47.1% in the oldest group age, 65 or above.

(193 words)

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These 2 sections are not changed enough from the original. It still contains more of a semblance of the original wording, which will not help to increase the LR score. The writer must become more familiar with alternate word / synonym usage in order to improve his word usage score. The aim is to use as much different / alternate words as possible, without changing the original intent of the presentation.


Incorrect word usage. The writer should have used the word "frequently", which indicates a constant movement. Fluently refers to the smoothness or gracefulness of a movement. It appears that the exam taker is trying to use varied English words but his understanding of English word meaning is insufficient for him to use the correct wording for his intentions.

The writer has been using run-on sentences for the most part when the requirement for the paragraph presentation is that the writer present no less than 3, no more than 5 sentences per paragraph. Separate the ideas in every sentence. Avoid thought and meaning compression to increase the C+C scores.

At this point, the writer is not capable of achieving his target score yet. More work on word usage and sentence clarity are required.

@ Holt

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