Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 6

IELTS 1: The proportion of passing the driving test between males and females in one Asian country


trung289hp 1 / 2  
Jan 10, 2022   #1

Driving test pass rates



The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

Below is my work, It would be great if you could take a look and give us some recommendations. Thank you so much for your time

The bar chart compares the proportion of passing the driving test between male and female in one Asian country from 1980 to 2010.

From 1980 to 2010, The rate of women passing the exam was higher than men. In 1980, the percentage of men who was succeed in their driving test was just under a third while women' rate was nearly half. Even though the proportion of both male and female increased through time (from 1980 to 2000), the rate of passing the driving test from women was much higher, particularly in 2000 accounting for almost 70 percent. In 2010, the successful rate of people passing the exam in two gender changed negatively. For instance, the rate of success from female diminished slightly about 2 or 3 percent while the male' rate stayed remain.

In conclusion, through time, the trend of the percentage of taking the driving test successfully from male and female in this Asian country has positively increase, particularly in women.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,308 3991  
Jan 11, 2022   #2
When writing the summary overview, you cannot use the same presentation pattern as the original. When you retain this much original wording and referencing style in your presentation, the examiner will consider this a cut and paste of the original and give the task accuracy of your summary paragraph a failing score. Make sure to change the presentation in totality, without retaining any keywords or presentation method from the original. Where the original has 1 sentence, use 3 sentences for your version. Change it up to score better.

Good work on varying the trending statement position. Placing it at the end of the analytical paragraph shows that you have truly considered all of the information presented and used the data to come to a logical trending explanation.

The presentation is a report analysis, not an opinion statement. Therefore, the conclusion is not needed. A conclusion is only required for opinion essay presentations. Do not mix up the essay formats, you will lose points for incorrect presentation formatting.
OP trung289hp 1 / 2  
Jan 11, 2022   #3
@Holt Thank you so much for your feedback, It is very helpful !!
alittlebit 1 / 1  
Jan 14, 2022   #4
you can use " over the course of 30 years, starting from 1980" in stead of" between 1980 and 2010"
you can use some words to replace increase: climb. surge, pick up
nhmt 2 / 5 1  
Jan 18, 2022   #5
In my opinion, you shoud use "the percentage of men who was succeeded in" .
Moreover, you can use "throughout the time under review" to replace "through time".
OP trung289hp 1 / 2  
Jan 19, 2022   #6
@nhmt
Thank you so much for your suggestions!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: The proportion of passing the driving test between males and females in one Asian country