The proportion of the notebook computer manufactures with 6 different brands

The table reveals that the market share proportion of the notebook computer market in the world was broken down into six brand companies and others, between the years of 2006 and 2007. Overall, it can be seen, during both years, that HP still led to the highest number of the computer market share and became the market leader.

According to the data, in 2006, Dell increased from 16.6% to 20.2% . It is in stark contrast to another, Acer experienced a slight fall by 0.9 percent in the following years. The other small companies which had less than 10 percent were Toshiba, Lenovo, and Fujitsu-Siemens both of years. Toshiba's market share rose slightly into 7.3%, while Fujitsu-Siemens was a plunged into 2.3% and it was the lowest number of notebook market share.

Another notebook manufacture accounted for 22.8 percent in 2006, and it became the second rate of market share after mentioning HP. In any case, the other notebook companies decreased up to 19.3% of computer sales in 2007. Moreover, it came to be the runner-up-leader of market share after HP and Dell.

• 
  24112.png
  

Halo INA.

Your introduction is lack of one sentence, write at least 3 sentences is a must to create good paragraph.
[...] Overall, it can be seen, during both years, that HP still led to the highest number of the computer market share and became the market leader. However, it is noticeable that Lenovo, Fujitsu-Siemens, and Others brand saw a gradual decrease between 2006 and 2007.

Hope it helps.

Hi Ina, you have a number of redundancies in your report. You have to makes sure to avoid repeating words, even if you are using synonyms to do it because it just makes the report longer when it can be made shorter. :Let me show you how it can be done :-)

The table reveals that the market share proportion of the notebook computer market in the world was AS broken down into six brand companies and others, between the years of 2006 and 2007. Overall, it can be seen, d During both years, that HP still led to WITH the highest number of the computer market share and became WAS the market leader.

According to the data, in 2006, Dell increased from 16.6% to 20.2% . It is in stark contrast to another, Acer , THAT experienced a slight fall by 0.9 percent in the following years. The other small companies which THAT had less than 10 percent were Toshiba, Lenovo, and Fujitsu-Siemens DURING both of years. Toshiba's market share rose slightly in to 7.3%, while Fujitsu-Siemens was a plunged into 2.3% and itwas HAD the lowest number of notebook market share.

Another notebook manufactureR accounted for 22.8 percent in 2006, and it becamethe second rate of market share after mentioning HP. (WHAT COMPANY WAS THIS?) In any case, the other notebook companies decreased up to 19.3% of IN computer sales in 2007. Moreover, it came to be the runner-up-leader of IN market share after HP and Dell.