The proportion of visitors to England who paid a visit to four diverse attractions in Brighton

tourists to England who visited different Brighton attractions

Topic: The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to England who paid a visit to four diverse attractions in Brighton over three decades.

At first glance, it is noticeable that attendances in Pavilion and Pier saw an increase while the percentage of tourists visiting Art Gallery and Festival declined over the time frame. Also, Pavilion registered the most popular place of interests over most of the period.

In 1980, 30% of travellers to England visited Festival, compared to 21% coming to visit Art Gallery. While the percentage of visitors to Festival declined slightly to around 28% in 2000 before remaning unchanged until the end of the period, the figure for Art Gallery proved relatively erratic. In particular, despite increasing to nearly 38% in 1985, its attendances experienced a fourfold reduction, going down to approximately 9% in 2010.

By contrast, Pavilon and Pier started their period at 24% and 10% respectively. Thereafter, the proportion of people visiting Pavilion sharply rose, reaching its peak of close to 50%, followed by a downfall to 31% in 2010. In the mean time the trend for Pier was upward with some fluctuations and a more than doubling to reach a level of 22% in the final year.

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I think that it is a very good essay but there are some spelling mistakes such as remaining, meantime. I do not think that you should capitalize festival and you should say the festival.