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The pros and cons of moving around in different places, IELTS Writing Task 2


zian41 1 / 4  
Sep 19, 2016   #1
Many years ago, society sometimes spent lifetime just in one place, but in the modern era it is very different that they more likely stayed in some places which cause them comfortable to change place. This essay discusses benefit and weakness both of these views.

It is important that society spent their time just in one place because staying in one place, it will bring out good things in living of society and also it will be able to easily socialize with their neighbors because they have already known each other in a long time and the same place. Living in one place for several societies make comfortable and enjoyable because they should not adapt with the other society, have a strong sense of community, have more chances and time to increase potential what they have in their place because those are familiar with the place which they have been lived in many years ago. However, it does not continuously makes them enjoy when they lived in that place but sometime they have several problem which they felt difficult to reach it because of long distance. Those feel difficult when they want to go to public facilities such us, social health center, the school that their children study, traditional market where the people sell necessity of daily activity, and difficulty of accessing information about everything because it is stopped by long distance from the town center.

On the other hand, society live nomad in lifetime has benefit and disadvantages. The advantages people live nomads are, firstly they can get simply anything public facilities and learn new experience because one place and the other place have different situation and condition. Secondly, they have many friends or they have many connections with important people. Many people live nomad they life better than inhabitants in village. But inhabitants live nomads in lifetime also have disadvantages. For instance, they are always adaptation with new environment. They are usually complicate to prepare new house.

To conclude, societies live in one place or live some places in lifetime it is the choice of each individual, because the both have many advantages and disadvantages. They feel enjoyable in lifetime which one in village or move another to get new experience.

MJT 5 / 8  
Sep 20, 2016   #2
Hi Zian, let me give you some advices.

... society sometimes spent the lifetime just in (...) modern era, it is very different that they ...

... it will bring out good things inthe living of society (...) known each other infor a long time and ...
... they should not adapt withto the other society...
However, it does not continuously makesmake them enjoy (...) they have several problemproblems which they felt difficult to ...
Mayank7g 9 / 17  
Sep 20, 2016   #3
Hi,

1) Please keep paragraphe to 4-5 sentences.
2) Your flow of any essay is poor.
3) Hard to comprehend.
4) Try to use simple sentences and link them properly.
angga93 42 / 74 20  
Sep 21, 2016   #4
....that they are more likely stayed in some places... (need verb)

It is important that society spent their time just in one place because staying in one place , it will bring out good things in living of society and also it will be able to easily socialize with their neighbors because they have already known each other in a long time and the same place.

redundancy alert: try to simplify this sentence and find some similar words. Here is one example:
"Living in the same place for entire life might brings benefits for society, especially in term of community spirit. Because they have known almost all members of their community, it will be easier for them to socialize or find some help."


Living in one place for several societies make comfortable and enjoyable ....... which they have been lived in many years ago.
"In addition, it is possible for them to develop their homeland because permanent residents are usually familiar with their surrounding. Therefore, recognizing feature of their local area which can be improved in order to get more benefits does not need hard effort of them."

>>>>>that is my suggestion for your first two body paragraph. I hope you can review your mistakes by analyzing such marks so you will not make same inaccuracies in your next writing. I notice that you attempt to make complete sentences, but over-complicated sentence is hard to be understood. Therefore, I suggest you to practice more about sentence structure and make your sentences a little simpler.

Regards.


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