Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


The pursuit of wealth has become the main motivation for many business owners nowadays.



Rose20 1 / -  
Apr 28, 2020   #1

what counts in business is Money



For many years, businesses have operated under the assumption that money is the main driving force for product and dedicate to the community. According to my point of view, there are many benefits of pursue wealth as well as get achievement.

On the one hand, most of us think that people are obsessed with money. However, the reality is that they are obsessed with success, not money. Money is only a measure for the rich to know if they have achieved their goals or not. For example, once a year, Forbes - an American business magazine announces the ranking of the World's Billionaires. It is better that business owners try hard to get knowledge of business, State budget increased due to tax from the enterprise. As a result, the continuous learning helps that the society is more developed and people can enhance their relationships.

Apart from that, people who is more wealthy, takes more responsibilities for standing still. So that the quality of each production ,which their business own, have to guarantee. Any product that is offered for sale on the market contains a certain value of use, products of the same type but manufactured from different businesses will have different quality. When customers know the quality of a company's products and believe in this quality, they will buy from them. At the same time, quality will attract long-term and sustainable customers and make customers loyal to the goods and products of the business. In conclusion, pursue wealth make the business owners pay attention to their productions.

All in all, I think that the pursuit wealth is a positive development.

vuthuylinh2611 19 / 61  
Apr 29, 2020   #2
@Rose20

From your introduction, I understood that you are going to present the benefit of pursuing wealth. However, in your first body paragraph, I got confused when I read your begining as I didn't know what your main topic in this paragraph is so I suggest you put your topic sentence at the begining so it is easier to follow. One more thing is that I can't get how your example prove your idea so i think if you give some more explanation it will be better.

In your second paragraph, you used the phrase " standing still" which I understood as "do not move or make any progress". I recommend revising this phrase to make your idea clearer.


Home / Writing Feedback / The pursuit of wealth has become the main motivation for many business owners nowadays.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳