TOEFL essay: "quick decisions are unsafe decisions"

This topic is kind of difficult for me so it took me about 2 hour to write. Please help me to correct it and i also need advice on the structure as well as the main ideas of body paragraphs. Many thanks in advance.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The decisions that people make quickly are always wrong.
There is a quotation that "quick decisions are unsafe decisions". I totally agree with this. However, I don't feel this quote is the same as "decisions that people make quickly are always wrong". In many different situations, quick decisions could be unsafe and even risky, but are not always wrong and very in need.

You should make quick decision in cases you don't have time to think twice and the chance has lost in every minute when you hesitate. This mean it has no time to use you brain to think carefully but just go with your first instinct. For instance, you see a girl falling into the river and about to drown because she can not swim. For this situation, I think you will decide to help immediately because, as I said, we don't have time to think twice. The quick decision on saving that girl's life never is a wrong decision. And in other similar situations, making decision quickly will be the best choice.

Many successful people have habit of making choices rapidly. View from outside, we can be mistaken that they are desperate but in fact, they are not. I have just read a book that is opened by an interesting story. In a museum, a statue is certified as true by a panel of scientists including many top professionals. However, just by a glance in 2 seconds, other experts can discover that is a fake statue when they have chance to enter the museum. So, how can they make such an exact conclusion so quickly? I believe this is the result of a non-stop learning, researching and experiencing process. The same stories usually happen in our daily life, if we can understand how others prepare for their each quick decision, we will not see it as desperation any more.

As I state above, I believe that in many different cases, the decision that you make quickly is not always wrong. Sometimes it can be the voice of your first instinct and sometimes can be the voice of your knowledge.

Hey friend,

You made a good point in your writing. It really depends on the situation when making decision. At times we may need to draw up a pros and cons list to help us think about clearly what should to be done because we don't want to take the risk of destory our lifes. But, occassionally, the common sense we had is good enough for us to decide what to take action.

All the best

Leeward,
I agree that it is difficult to find some logical reason to support your preference in this issue. But i really like your essay.

two hours
I need some advice...
In some situations, quick decisions could be unsafe and even risky, but are not always wrong and very in need .
You should make quick decision in cases you don't have time to think twice

As stated above...

GOOD LUCK

Hi extrafresh and ghafarimahsa,
Thank you a lot for your comments. I feel my essay doesn't really smooth, can you guys help me to make it more smooth?

U should get some linkers for ur essay, like "First","also" ect.
Ur start and conclusion are great.
List the points u want to use b4 u write.
E.g.1. These decisions are made in a short time, so they usually lack deliberation.
2....
3....
Use practical examples to support ur points(Personal experiences are better).
Try to finish all of above in 30 mins.
:D

Thank you lisette, i am trying to finish faster. It seems like i have to practice more :)

Brilliant!! I think you explained this well.
Take off the words at the end, though: ...are not always wrong. and very in need. Keep it simple! Keep the sentences simple and clear.

You should make quick decision in cases where you...

However, just by a glance in 2 seconds, other experts can discover that is a fake statue when they have chance to enter the museum.---great example!! You are smart.

Hey, it is probably a boy that fell in the river and not a girl. Girls are usually smart enough to avoid that sort of thing. :-)

Hi EF_Kevin, your comment supported me much. Thank you so much.
And I want to ask you if this essay is academic enough? I heard that we should put some academic words to get more points, isn't it?

Well, what is an academic word? Is it a word that is associated with school somehow? I don't know what you mean.
Maybe they do give you more points if you use examples that pertain to school. It is probably a good idea. Anyway, the most important thing to do is write a lot and let people identify your errors so that you can correct your bad grammar habits. You have very few bad grammar habits, so I think you can easily pass the toefl.

@EF_Kenvin: Well, can I explain this? According to Oxford Dictionary, The Academic Word List is a list of words that people are likely to meet if they study at an English-speaking university. We can get this list in this link oxfordadvancedlearnersdictionary.com/academic/ . According to wikipedia, this website write that:

"The Academic Word List (AWL) was developed by Averil Coxhead at the School of Linguistics and Applied Language Studies at Victoria University of Wellington, New Zealand. The list contains 570 semantic fields which were selected because they appear with great frequency in a broad range of academic texts. The list does not include words that are in the most frequent 2000 words of English (the General Service List), thus many of the words are specific to academic contexts. However, a significant...(please follow link above)

I think this kind of word is words which experts usually use in their special subject.

I think in TOEFL or IELTS essay, using more formal and academic word is a great way to get higher mark. This seems to show our knowledge as well as experience well.

Thanks! This is great information. I bet a lot of students will benefit from seeing this thread and learning about academic words.

Well, sometimes it is a fun game to try to find ways to use more academic words in your essay. Just do your best! I think you should not worry, because you are ready for the test. You should move on to the more advanced principles of writing.

:-)

OK, you're a feminist, but this is a little troubling !

Good job, leeward! I am preparing for ToEFL ibt too, so it was very interesting to read your essay. Not the easy topic, isn't it?

In my oppinion the key to the answer is the difference between decision and reaction.
Reaction is something we should train by learning or just use our instincts.
But does existence of choise must mean making decision? Is it decison to help that girl (or boy:) or just unsafe action?
I don't know.. So it is interesting to hear your point of view about what i said.

Ha ha... is it? I am just an objective thinker. Girls have more of a hormone called oxytocin, which creates a feeling of wanting to nurture and care for others. Guys produce about 7 times more testosterone, which is associated with aggressive behavior. So... it is no surprise that 1.) men are so aggressive that they end up in more leadership positions, and 2.) women are more nurturing/caring, so they would do a BETTER job in most leadership positions.

:-) Ha ha... men and women are both crazy in different ways, both crazy, but women are a safer bet.

So... yes, I am a guy who is a feminist. I don't mind admitting the truth!! LOL

Hi start208, I mean "but are (not always wrong) and (very in need)". But I think i'd better delete "very in need", right. I've learned that simple is the best :)