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Her. A short and random idea.


Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 29, 2009   #1
She liked the night in that city.

She liked the lights. A little too stunning, a little too flamboyant, and a little too plentiful.

She liked the sounds. A little too obnoxious, a little too strident, and a little too unreasonable.

She liked the people. A little too active, a little too sophisticated, and a little too impolite.

But she liked them all the same.

She came to this city on impulse, never really thinking about it before boarding that overnight train. She liked trains too. She was told that wishes came true on trains. Maybe she was a little too superstitious.

She was pretty to put it plainly. She never thought much of it though. She was modest. Maybe she was a little too indifferent.

She liked to stand in that spot. From there she could see the only star that the sky would give to that city. The first and only one she saw every night. She liked to burden it with wishes. Perhaps the weight would make it fall one day. She liked to joke with herself.

The night never changed. The same people, the same places, the same things, the same air. Night air was mysterious in that city. It was something that could divert her from all of the people, all of the sounds, and all of the lights. Maybe she was a little too easily distracted.

But the only light that night was the moon, and the only sound was her heartbeat. The only star was gone and the night air had left.

A little too quite, a little to dim, and a little too sad.
But she liked it all the same.

Something interesting for everyone to look at. A huge grammatical fail though. Haha. What are your views on this?

Boxin Zhou
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 29, 2009   #2
No, it's not a grammatical "fail" to use fragments and the like in creative writing, as long as they are used to good effect. I like this little story and wonder what prompted you to write it. I also wonder, not for the first time, if we ought to start a creative writing category for stories and other works of creative writing that aren't quite essays.
OP Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 29, 2009   #3
No, it's not a grammatical "fail" to use fragments and the like in creative writing, as long as they are used to good effect.

Would my use be considered "good effect"? :P

I like this little story and wonder what prompted you to write it.

Hmmm. I like to watch chinese dramas a lot (lots of romance and cute stuff haha). Sometimes I get random ideas that I just NEED to get onto paper (computer in this case).

I also wonder, not for the first time, if we ought to start a creative writing category for stories and other works of creative writing that aren't quite essays.

You have my vote. The problem is that there might not be enough posters...unless we can get a bunch of members to each write one to get the ball rolling.
shirleytse 5 / 17  
Aug 29, 2009   #4
hey boxin, great piece. Just wondering..are you mandarin or cantonese?
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Aug 29, 2009   #5
Would my use be considered "good effect"? :P

I think so. Let's see what others have to say. Reactions to creative writing are so subjective! That's why creative writing is often taught via the workshop method, where each student gets feedback from several other aspiring writers, much as forum members get feedback here.
shirleytse 5 / 17  
Aug 29, 2009   #6
and a little too unreasonable.

not really sure how sounds can be unreasonable

The night never changed. The same people, the same places, the same things, the same air. Night air was mysterious in that city.

But the only light that night was the moon, and the only sound was her heartbeat. The only star was gone and the night air had left.

Those 2 points kind of contradict each other.
OP Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 29, 2009   #7
Those 2 points kind of contradict each other.

Never changed up until that night. I think that works.

not really sure how sounds can be unreasonable

Your right haha...

And I'm Mandarin...even though that is a language lol.
Thanks for the input.

I thought that this might be a good narration for a short film. Like a 5 minute short or something.
OP Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 29, 2009   #8
Ahhhhh, I'll change "never" to "rarely". Wow, smart me.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Aug 30, 2009   #9
This is really very good. I too am curious what inspired this. The melancholy it conveys is too clearly captured not to have an interesting origin.
OP Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 30, 2009   #10
Actually here's a new edit. Read this one instead :[

Her.

She liked the night in that city.

It was not so much the night itself though. In fact she did not like nighttime much more than the day. It was deception, surely it was. Nighttime would in its empty darkness and promise to wipe away her past, a promise that was broken time and time again. She felt cheated. And although she knew that it was a silly reason, she stuck by it.

This city was different though. Different from her past. She liked it because night could not trick her here.

She liked the lights and she liked the sounds, but most of all, she liked the people.

A little too active, a little too sophisticated, and a little too impolite.

But she liked them all the same.

She came to this city on impulse, never really thinking about it before boarding that train. She liked trains too. She made a habit of boarding them overnight. Dreams come true on trains after all.

Maybe she was a little too superstitious.

The city was wild to say the least. She wasn't sure of it. But then again she was always so hesitant. So cautious.

She was pretty to put it plainly. She never thought much of it though. She valued modesty yet it had never benefited her.

Maybe she was a little too indifferent.

She liked to stand in that spot. From there she could see the only star that the sky would give to that city. The first and only one she saw every night. She liked to burden it with wishes. Perhaps the weight would make it fall one day. She liked to joke with herself.

The night rarely changed. The same people, the same places, the same things, the same air. Night air was mysterious in that city. It was something that could divert her from all of the people, all of the sounds, and all of the lights.

Maybe she was a little too easily distracted.

But the only light that night was the moon, and the only sound was her heartbeat. The only star was gone and the night air had left.

A little too quite, a little too dim, and a little too sad.
But she liked it all the same.

I'm trying to think about a "Him" and then a "Them" to tie it all together
OP Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 3, 2009   #11
I was thinking about using this piece as a springboard for my Stanford essay also. Something along the lines of bringing writings like this to life and how Stanford would help me do that...

Ok idea? Suggestions?


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