[TOEFL] The real source of success (courageous and bold people)

I just wrote that in 30 minutes, cause I wanted to be as close as it is possible to the real TOEFL time frame. So it is one very rough piece of writing, I did not have the time to edit it but I`m going to post it that way. So I picked up a random topic and here we go. By the way, restricted time is imposing a lot of pressure on my creativity (if I could be suspected in possessing such qualities :) )

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The Real Source of Success

On the battlefield of life, everyone is aiming something. People have goal-oriented minds and their fundamental objective is achieving what they want, in other words - success. And as it is in a real fight, the winner is the big-hearted, brave entrepreneur, who is not afraid of taking risks. Such persons were the American pioneers, Henry Ford and the Libyan protesters.

When departing from Europe, the first explorers of The New World had nothing but their lives to take. They took the risks of being exposed to starvation, killing, diseases in a totally unknown place, and ultimately won. They were willing to give the most precious thing they posses and this behavior led them to conquering half the world. It is beyond doubt that this could be achieved with merely planning.

Another example is Henry Ford, who put all of his life-savings in the idea of creating the automobile. Even though nobody believed he would make it and everybody was laughing at him, he succeeded in his endeavor. Ford had all the society ridiculing him, but he was willing to take his chances and now we are reaping the results of his inventions.

Our most recent examples are the revolts in Libya. A revolution hardly happens without courageous people to lead it and risk their mundane life. Those unrest fighters are putting on the card all they have, because they know a change cannot be reached with simple planning. I believe they are going to be awarded for their boldness, but would they be successful if they did not have the guts? I suspect, no.

Today`s world belongs to the courageous and bold people. There is a big difference between simple existing and being a winner, and this difference is called ability to take risks. One who is willing to give up the best he or she has is bound to reach his or her coveted goals.

1.the most precious thing they posses--> they possessed
2.Our most recent examples are-->example is (cause "the revolts in Libya" is one thing)

I think your framework of essay is very good. especially in 30mins...

I hope i can do it like you

I mean there`s a lot of revolts in particular Libyan towns - therefore it should be plural, I think :)

Thanks :)

You are preparing for toefl? I am amazed... if I was practicing a foreign language, I could not use metaphors so beautifully...

Today`s world belongs----What key do you hit for an apostrophe? Check to make sure you are using the correct key...

Great job, but I think maybe it is easier when you choose the topic yourself. What if they give you an unfamiliar topic? Try writing about the question of whether teachers should be allowed to express personal, political opinions in the classroom. That is a difficult one to write about! :-)

Hey, thanks a lot for the encouragement. It`s always good to hear something positive for yourself, as immodest I risk to sound :)

I`m doing a lotto with the topics - there`s a website in which they are all listed and enumerated. I choose one number in my head and then open my eyes and see what`s the topic. Trying to play as fair as I can :)

I like the topic you suggest me to write about so I`m going to develop it this week. It won`t be even close to my real performance, because I`ll have the time to think about it, but it sounds interesting and could be somehow helpful.

By the way, my last thread is an essay on unfamiliar and resentful for me topic. I can`t say that writing it was the easiest thing.

Ha ha, okay, I'll check it out. I don't think you used the word resentful correctly here. You should use the word "problematic" instead, or "frustrating."

:-)

That lottery is a good idea!