Summarise the information essay
Hello, can you check my essay please:
The first chart describe why some people cycling to work, the second one describe why others prefer driving to work.
Therese 2 main reason for way people prefer ride bicycle for 30%, first is health and fitness the second is that a bicycle is less pollution than a car, while 15% of theme prefer bicycle for it parking facility, the other 13% said that bicycle doesn't need any cost and surprisingly the last 12% considered that cycling is faster than driving.
In the other hand, the major reason for driving to work is the comfort for 40%, while 21% of people said that they prefer driving to work because of long distance, the other reason is that a car is faster than a bicycle to 14%, a similar percent said that they need to carry things to work, and lastly 11% considered the driving safer than cycling.
In general the major people prefer driving a car to work its comfort, while the main reason for cycling to work is healthy and environmental.
Thank you.
Maildor, it's really difficult to assess your essay without the prompt as well as the diagram or chart involved. It is usually a good practice to post the chart you are trying to describe alongside your write-up. That way, your essay would received the required review and you would be properly guided. Right now, I can't say anything with regard to your ability to answer to the prompt. However, generally, a good response to an essay of this sort should contain the following:
1. Proper paraphrase of the prompt.
2. An overview statement that highlights the trend in the chart provided at a glance.
3. In-depth description of the content of the chart, including contrasting and comparing items where necessary.
4. A brief concluding statement.
Hello okorobiadimma14, Thanks for your reveiw, Here are the prompt and the diagram:
The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Image1.jpg
Maildor, I really do not think that the prompt you posted and the supposedly charts are related. However, the charts do actually relate to the response in your essay. Therefore, my review will not address the paraphrase aspect in relation to the real prompt as what you just posted is not the real prompt. I will only create a paraphrase to enhance your ability to understand how to tackle this kind of essay. The first statement in your previous post, the supposedly paraphrase, cannot serve as an introductory paragraph because it lacks an overview statement. Below is a typical example of an introductory paragraph containing a paraphrased (hypothetical) prompt and an overview statement:
The graphic representations below illustrate the rationale behind employers' choice of cycling to work as well as driving to work. Overall, there are five reasons employers choose to either cycle to work or drive to work. While a good number of employers go to work by cycling due to health and fitness, as well as less pollution compared to other reasons, many individuals take to driving to work for the comfort it offers.
Notice that having paraphrased the topic question, all I succeeded in doing was highlighting the observable trend in the charts. The were no comments with regard to the exact percentage or proportion the employers that choose either of the means of transportation in discuss. These information would be contained in the next paragraphs. There were two paragraphs before the concluding statement in your essay. It is wrong to use 'in the one hand' in the 2nd second paragraph. If you must use such a transition phrase, the first paragraph should go with 'in the one hand' while the second starts with 'on the other hand'. That way, your essay will have fluidity and it's flow would be appreciated by the reader. Below is an example of how the paragraph following the introductory statement should read:
Observably, in order to promote health and fitness, 30 % of the workers choose cycling to work over driving, whereas another 30 % made similar decision having reduction of pollution in mind. While 12 % of the employers go to work by cycling because it costs nothing, 13 % do the same in hope that cycling is faster that driving. Nevertheless, 15 % of the work force take to cycling due to lack of parking space.
I think you can assess your essay using the examples I have given already. Keep practising with these instances in mind.