An essay of IELTS task 2 about the reasons and effects of cosmetics

effects of products which lighten people's skin

In many parts of the world today, there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people's skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society.

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Nowadays, cosmetics whitening and lightening skin of people are making huge profits for many companies and corporations. This essay will examine the causes why people use these kinds of products and evaluate their impacts on health and society.

The first principle reason for that fact is people's attitudes about skin color. The majority might be convinced that the whiter and lighter their skins are, the more attractive they become. Taking the Asian which have incident skins of yellow pigment as an example, they seem to overestimate the white bright skin and hence, their style of making up and the use of whitening cosmetics probably turn their appearances into ones similar to the Western. One another practical reason is from the celebrity. They almost turn up on the media with remarkable skins of white and light and their influences encourage people to buy beauty products.

In spite of the positive sides of these products such as improving the self-confidence of a person or stimulating the commercial, I suppose there are some negative effects on individual health and on society. Initially, these commodities might harm people when they get older on the ground that there is hardly an evidence to prove the safety of using them for a long period of time. Furthermore, they can adversely impact on society, driving people to misunderstand about beauty criteria. Every race has its own successive trait needing to be highly respected and the traditional values must be preserved at all cost.

In conclusion, it cannot be denied that whitening and lightening products fulfill the rational desire to some extent. However, all people should take cosmetics into account and interpret some of the severe consequences that they may face with if constantly using those for a long time.

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Thanks for your reading. I really need your correction if I get any mistake. I truly and highly appreciate your comments which will help me much improve my writing.

Apart from the grammatical errors in your essay, I think you have put forth your points regarding the reasons behind the popularity of skin lightening products especially in Asian countries. You could expand it more explaining whether such markets should be encouraged, if yes to what level. Also you can write about the amount of money spent in buying such products and the economic impact they have in the society.

Mark, this is a direct question essay, not an opinion essay. Therefore, your opening paraphrase is partially incorrect and your concluding summary is also incorrect. The original prompt already told you what information you would need to include in the prompt paraphrase in order to prepare your discussion. These requirements are as follows:

Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society.

Therefore, the end of your prompt paraphrase should indicate 2 reasons, without a discussion presented along with one effect each for health and society again, without a discussion.

The reasoning paragraph does not appropriately discuss the reasons. What you should have done was present a 5 paragraph discussion essay that represented the following:

1. Prompt paraphrase with an outline of responses
2. First reasoning paragraph with a transition sentence for the second reason at the end.
3. Second reasoning paragraph with a transition sentence for the health and society effects
4. A discussion of the social effect that uses a transitional phrase to introduce and begin the discussion of the health effects.
5. A summary of the previous 3 statements that does not introduce a new topic for discussion as you mistakenly made in this presentation to close the discussion.

@Holt
@adhananj
Thank you a lot. I will review and rewrite it in the most effective way as you suggest and show me.