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Reflection - a brief summary of high school life

This is my essay for english. Any constructive criticism would be appreciated. Thanks

Essay Prompt: Give a brief summary of high school life, and what you have gained from your experiences, in 500 words or less.

As I wander the halls of My High School I often reflect back on my life, and how far I have come. Scurrying up the B wing stairs, I catch glances by familiar faces. I step into my AP psychology class to the site of determined classmates cramming information into their brains, before the big test. The grin I exert is the product of a 2 hour study session the night before. After the test I over look my script for my radio show the next block, giving my insight on local or national news intrigues me greatly.

My work ethic was never up to par until my junior year. I struggled my way through the new atmosphere as a freshman. The exchange from 8th grade to high school was so immense, I could hardly fathom me making it without breaking down mentally, but I worked through it, and eventually became accustomed to 2 hours of homework a night. This was just the start of a new beginning to my life.

My escape from the stresses of high school life were athletics. I always looked forward to practices or games after school. Growing up I was always involved in sports. Whether it be hockey, soccer or lacrosse, I was always just happy to be playing the game. The transition from recreation level sports to high school level was over whelming but I've always liked the challenge of competition.

In such a small school where everyone knows everyone, I have made so many friends and acquaintances. My friends and I have gone through so many good times and bad times, that I know will guide me through the social aspects of college life. Bourne High School has provided an atmosphere which allowed me to go from a boy to a young man. As for the academic aspect BHS has given me a better understanding of things that I will be using in college and my future, and some things that I will probably never come across in my following years.

Overall my years as a high school student have been very productive, and have taught me a lot about myself, and the world around me. I know that these experiences will never be forgotten, and served as a path to success in the near future,

Need some better tranisitons between sentences and paragraphs. Ex: in the 1st paragraph you went from national news to your work ethic in the next paragraph without anyinthg in the 1st to lead the reader in. Try adding more tranisitions between sentences and paragraphs and you should be fine
EF_KevinThreads: 8
Posts: 13,840
[Contributor] 129  
Nov 8, 2009   #4
Move this comma:
As I wander the halls of My High School , I often reflect back on my life and how far I have come.

That is better.


...hardly fathom me making it without breaking down mentally, but...

to "look something over" means to examine it, but to overlook something means to accidentally fail to notice it! Funny phrases... After the test I look over my script for my radio show, which is to take place during next block, and...

This is a grat summary of high school. My only other advice is to add a sentence to the end of the 1st paragraph... a sentence that will serve as the thesis sentence.. the main idea of the essay. Then, mention that same idea again in the last paragraph. what is the main idea, the main theme?

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