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Less responsibility is a positive change or negative change?



Reza_Hidayat 13 / 18  
Apr 27, 2017   #1
children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. some people think this as a positive change, however think of it as a negative change .

what do you think?


more freedom for kids - analysis of this trend



Every child has a different character such a responsibility, it could be influenced by many things. Some people believed that less-responsible children is a positive change while others argue that it is a negative change. Personally, I think that children who have less responsibility is a negative so that they have to be encouraged to be more responsible.

Lack of responsibility is not good for children since it will affect on their achievement in the future. There are many drawbacks of less responsibility, such as lack of confident, coward, inconsistent and many else. Irresponsible children tend to underestimate with anything as they think it is unimportant. That condition comes about for they used to do that for several times and they could not do anything independently due to the fact that they become lazy and over reliance on people. For example, in school, if pupils are given task by their teacher, they will finish that as good as they can but it will be different for irresponsible pupil, they may overlook that as they think that is unnecessary to finish, it occurs because they are not responsible to do their obligation as student. Moreover, if they do not change it, it will influence on their future.

Furthermore, to tackle that problem, children have to be educated to be more responsible since the beginning. Not only family but also school play big role to teach the children about responsibility. Children have to know what their obligations and their rights. It could lead children to be more independent with their duty. Another way is parents or school have to give example for children regarding responsibility as it will encourage children to imitate that, and most important is children must be appreciated if they do something right.

All in all, I think that lack of responsible especially for children will yield negative effect since it will influence on many things such as achievement, personality and habit in the future so it has to tackle by encouraging children with inform their obligation, give good example for them and appreciate their work.

okorobiadimma14 6 / 82  
Apr 28, 2017   #2
Andi, your are too mechanical with this essay and that would reduce your overall score. Your paraphrase is not good and your introduction did not tell the examiner anything about what the body of the essay would contain. The fact that your paragraph 3 reflects solution to the negative impact shows that you did not quite understand the prompt. The prompt requires you to support either of positive or negative views of the idea of discuss, but not to proffer solution. You should have discussed your points and then conclude your write-up. See other threads in this forum where I illustrated a model paraphrase for this particular essay prompt so that you can learn further. Your sentence construction is admirable but you need to improve on enhancing the cohesion in your write-up. This essay will earn you a score not more than a 5 due to lack of cohesion and misunderstanding of the prompt.


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