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TOEFL: 'my rest time' - Childhood is the happiest time of a person's life


Asia97 2 / 2  
Mar 27, 2014   #1
Now, I am teenager and just 17 years old. So I don't have a lo of life experiments. But I read some books about true of life .Consequently, I write my oppinion.

There are 2 oppinions of this argument.First one is maybe true. Because I am graduating class and I have to do so many things such as to search my university to ,choose these, to fill out application form and to take entrance exam .I have little time to do these thigs perfectly.So I think that childhood is the moat pleasant time.This time ,I used to play outside from morning to evening and didn't have much problem.Most important thing is that there wasn't any dishonesty thing,envy and anxiety.

Otherwise,life is mystety box.It isn't stable or understable .Noone knows what will happen in the future.I wonder what the box has in.So it's more interting than past time.Actually,person can reach the wanted life by trying a lot. I believe myself to achive good things.For example,to finish universty, to have children, get marry and to do good things for society.Thetefore; I prefer to the unknown thing in future time than the happiest time in the past.

Finally, I think about although childhood is happy time of life ,I will see more nice things for my rest time.

hakuyo1112 6 / 9  
Mar 27, 2014   #2
Hi there.
Now, I am teenager and just 17 years old. So I don't have a lo of life experiments. But I read some books about true of life .Consequently, I write my oppinion.- you could say

As a young adult who is only turning 17 years old, i don't have much life experiences but i read books that portray the real side of life.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 1, 2014   #3
Well, your essay is structured very differently to the one that helps you earn a good score.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Apr 1, 2014   #4
Well, as dumi suggested above, you need to pay serious attention to the essay structure if you are going to get a good score at TOEFL. That structure is the best to gain a good score as well as manage time. My suggestion is to re do this whole essay as per her suggestion and post it here for us to provide you with our feed backs :)

There are 2 oppinions of this argument.

... don't use numbers in essay writing unless it is an year. Also, pay more attention to your spellings and grammar/
sayes 8 / 12 1  
Apr 1, 2014   #5
do these thigs perfectly

things

moat pleasant time

most
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 469  
Apr 3, 2014   #6
It is 215 words. You need more words to complete this essay. Read as many TOEFL writings/ authentic texts as you can to improve your writing skills. This help you find some ideas and improve your vocabulary and grammar.
Rolla Ngo 1 / 2  
Apr 3, 2014   #7
I think the structure suggested by Dumi can help you a lot, Asia97.
And below is not a complete sentence so we shouldn't separate "for example..." from the previous sentence.

For example,to finish universty, to have children, get marry and to do good things for society.


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