Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The result of adult education survey - Cambridge 1 Practice 1 - Correct if Found Some Wrong


faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Sep 14, 2016   #1
These two charts display the result of adult education survey. The bar chart is related to the motive of grown-up people to study while the pie chart shows how the cost of each course should be shared.

Overall, the main reason for deciding study are based on their interest and to get qualifications. It is clear that Individual become the highest object that get the shared cost.

Based on the first bar chart, about 40% people decide to study because they love the subject. It is slight different with another reason like getting qualification which has 38 percentage. Otherwise, only 9% of people select the course just for meet their friends.

If we look at the second pie chart, there are three categories of shared cost. The highest one is Individual that have approximately 40% of cost. In the second position there is employer that has 35%, and the smallest is Taxpayer which is only 25%.




wew018 - / 20 9  
Sep 14, 2016   #2
Hi @faizunaa17

I like the idea in the first paragraph. However, it should be more engaging whenever you are generalizing the facts being presented.
For example, instead of starting the paragraph with "Overall, ..." we can start it with brief introduction about the study say "Adult education has been impacted by different factors such as reasons why they study and its cost." so on and so forth.

Based on the first bar chart you can say instead "Based on the bar chart" since there is no other bar charts hence, there is no point of using "first" in the phrase.

about 40% people decide to study because they love the subject this is just my suggestion but you can stay this phrase as it is. I think you can try "about 40% of the survey population decides to study because they find interest in the subject/s."

slight "slightly different" or you can also say "People says that having advantage by gaining qualifications through studying is also an important factor why they study with 38% respondents."

Otherwise you mean "On the other hand"? But for this sentence it is better if you use "However, only ... "

... the course just for meet their friends
... the course just to meet their friends

If we look at the second pie chart - the same as the first one, just say " If we look at the pie chart" or "On the other hand".

The highest one Here, you have to be more consistent and direct when you are trying to point on something. So, as much as possible, avoid using "one" whenever you point on something just like "the first one, the fastest one etc." Instead of using it, you can say "Among these categories, respondents say that individuals should carry the course cost with 40% of the survey population".

In the second position just remove this and simply say "Employers follow next with 35% then Taxpayer earning 25% of the survey population".

This has been all. I hope I was able to help you. Moreover, I would like to recommend "thesaurus". It is very useful especially whenever you lack of words or vocabulary, you can check out the site. This will really help you improving your vocabulary skills in English.

Good luck !


Home / Writing Feedback / The result of adult education survey - Cambridge 1 Practice 1 - Correct if Found Some Wrong