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IELTS - REWRITE - children development and modern games



ltw 2 / 2  
Jul 7, 2012   #1
Some people believe that modern children's games negatively affect the development of their skills compared to traditional games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, there has been a significant change in the way that children play games. This is driven by the improvement of computer science, which allows young kids to have fun with their peers before a computer screen playing various kinds of modern games, instead of playing traditional outdoor games. Some people think this trend would have an adverse effect to the development of a young person. Personally, I agree with their views.

Firstly, a child's physical posture can be damaged by sitting in front of a computer all day and their eyes can be negatively affected by starring at the screen for a long time. Modern games also make young people addicted, which is very common in this day and age, that children no longer want to do outdoor activities or even stand up and walk for a while when they are playing. Therefore, the physical development of a young kid is threatened, when modern games make them a lack of physical exercise as a whole. Secondly, these youngsters addicted in modern games are restricted to social skills. They might be able to communicate well via the Internet. However, when it comes to a face-to-face communication, many young people have shown a lack of social experience, which is essential for their future working lives.

Nevertheless, some people believe that playing modern games helps young kids to learn how to use computer more efficiently, which is a very important skill in the new century. It is true that computers are crucial in one's life in the contemporary world. However, this should not be the reason for youngsters playing too much computer games. Rather than preparing with the knowledge of using a computer, young kids should first learn to communicate and cooperate with each other, and to take responsibility to their own physical conditions (such as having a favorite sport and doing it regularly). Therefore, traditional games are preferable for people at a young age to help them acquire the essential knowledge.

Overall, I think it is not a good idea to allow young kids spend too much time on modern games. They can develop their computer skills later in their life, when they are old enough and managed to have a good self-control ability.

Cheers

dumi 1 / 6793  
Jul 7, 2012   #2
Today, there has beenis a significant change in the way that children play games

good opening statement : )

This is driven by theimprovementfast development of computer science,technology, which allows young kids to have fun with their peers before a computer screen playing various kinds of modernvirtual games, instead of playing traditional outdoor games. Some people think this trend would have an adverse effect to the development of a young personminds

------------ I introduced a few new words for your vocabulary : )

I certainly agree with their views .

I made that insertion to affirm your opinion : )

You have written the introduction very well; it contains all required features; ideas are presented with good clarity and it is an interesting introduction to read : )

Good Luck !
OP ltw 2 / 2  
Jul 7, 2012   #3
Thanks a lot~ my problem is I need a long time to think about how to write correctly, the structure of the whole script and relationship between each sentence take me lots of time to think.

Hopfully I can get myself fully prepared with the ideas when I'm doing the test~
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jul 7, 2012   #4
The only way you can improve your speed is by practicing to write more and more essays. Also reading other's essays written on IELTS topics would be helpful for you to quickly come up with arguments. You can find plenty of such essays in this forum under writing feed back category. Or else you can do a search for IELTS.


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