Hallo, My name Vike Darliyasi, and I'm IELTS student.
I need feedback in term of task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resources, grammatical range and accuracy
Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weakness. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?
Basically, females and males might have the divergent of strength and weakness. It is totally wrong because in today's world all of the genders have the same opportunities, and no do successful people depend on the sex, but it depends on the people's hard work.
In this era, gender equality becomes the hot issues in all over the world. People have the same occasion to having a job, not depends on the sex as long as they have good skill in that job. For example, hitherto, a man can become a barber in women's barber shop because he has a great skill in cutting hair and making an amazing female hair's style. It is totally different with few years ago which is male cannot take that job because of the different sex. At that time, it might be the ancient people think male will damage women's hair, hence they do not allow cutting the women's hair.
Subsequently, someone's success is not based on the genders. If people give the big effort to get something, they could take it all. Moreover, skill can be created by giving training for the people. For instance, females could be more success in repairing of a car than males as women have the high automotive skill. Although the automotive job is a men job, it does not mean that women cannot do it also. From that example shows that there is no gender needed to become a successful person.
To summarize, all of the people have similar chance to do everything in their life, and giving more efforts is one of the key to gain the success, not based on the genders.
I need feedback in term of task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resources, grammatical range and accuracy
different strengths and weaknesses of men and women
Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weakness. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?
Basically, females and males might have the divergent of strength and weakness. It is totally wrong because in today's world all of the genders have the same opportunities, and no do successful people depend on the sex, but it depends on the people's hard work.
In this era, gender equality becomes the hot issues in all over the world. People have the same occasion to having a job, not depends on the sex as long as they have good skill in that job. For example, hitherto, a man can become a barber in women's barber shop because he has a great skill in cutting hair and making an amazing female hair's style. It is totally different with few years ago which is male cannot take that job because of the different sex. At that time, it might be the ancient people think male will damage women's hair, hence they do not allow cutting the women's hair.
Subsequently, someone's success is not based on the genders. If people give the big effort to get something, they could take it all. Moreover, skill can be created by giving training for the people. For instance, females could be more success in repairing of a car than males as women have the high automotive skill. Although the automotive job is a men job, it does not mean that women cannot do it also. From that example shows that there is no gender needed to become a successful person.
To summarize, all of the people have similar chance to do everything in their life, and giving more efforts is one of the key to gain the success, not based on the genders.