The role of technology in our lives today: have we become too dependent

please provide a feedback on this essay ,so that i can present good writing skill in my CLEP exam .
here is the essay ,please score this .

The role of technology in our lives today: have we become too dependent

We are living in a society which is called "technologically civilized" society.Every small work we do is technology dependent. Today every other person is recognized with the device or gadget ,he carries; which is technically advanced. Ultimately , we can say that ,"living without technology is like living without air" in this technical world of today.Therefore, we are much dependent on technology.

Starting with the simple example of food storage. Today the shelf life of the food products is increased with help of modern technology and even preparation time of food is reduced with the help of new machines and equipment. Thus ,making the consumer to have an ease at its consumption and also in saving a lot of productive time. Ultimately, making the person dependent on it for his own benefits. This is unlike to the times of traditional cooking where people had to spare time and even do physical labor compared to the modern technically advanced time of today.

Technology made our lives simple but much dependent on it. We can sit in a corner and get connected to the world. Thus making the world a "global community." Communicate with a person in remote area within fraction of seconds ,make a trip of the world within no time, all these are possible with the advanced technology ,making us more dependent on its usage.

In the health sector,technology advanced to a great extent that today a machine can assist a person in intensive care and monitor him ,which was a tiresome and risky job to do manually before. In a way we are coming closer with the machines developed technically.

Technology is making the multitask functions to be available in a single device. Thus ,we can have multifunctional usage of the single device we own .The more simple ,the work gets with technology,the more we get dependent on it.

Technology makes us lethargic with little or no physical activity, in one aspect; but the same technology provides a inspiration or motivation to do creative jobs including physical activity .Example games like "V" games which are challenging video games and at the same time recreational, helping to spend time in a joyful way.

Today , we don't find even a single young kid without using the available technology to him/her.Technology made us dependent on it and we can't expect or imagine a life without using the word "technology" in it .Hence, technology plays a major role in our lives.

[quote=singingbird]We are living in a society which is so called "technologically civilized" society.It is not an exaggereted statement nowadays that we all live on the basis of technology as what have surrounded us in rencent decades are a veriety of convenient living devices such as micro wave, washing machine,air conditioner, refrigerator which all are the products of high technology. So to a certain extent, we can safely draw the conclusion that we are more dependent

on technology than any time ever before.

Personally, I do not think we are depending on high technology in essence. So, I would change the last sentence above into the following one:

So does utilizing more modernized apparatuses mean we are more dependent on them? In other words, the more advanced the sci-technology develops the more we depends on high-technology? Personally, I do not think so; on the contary, I believe people living in the contemporary era are more independent than any time ever before.

(will continue later)

Wow, a topic I can agree with!

thanks for the feedback .

i agree too. technology role a very important role in modern society. We maynot live without it. Consider say,it is machines which usefull and necessary to this life. a country's development cannot lack of technologies

There is a variety of examples to testify/certify this viewpoint that individuals are increasingly dependent on high-techonlogy. Take the food for example, the processing time and the shelf life are shortenedand and lengthened tremendously/immensely with the help of modern technolgy such as advanced production equipments as well as more effective preservation methods; undoubtedly, the obvious merits of modern technology would absolutely lead to the extinction of traditional production way. As a result, People will reckon on the technology more seriously to preserve food in the future.

Ps: Here I use one sentence structure like : A and B are C and D; which C are used to decribe A while D are used to decribe B. As I read it before from some articles, I am not sure whether it is correct here, so, discuss.

You mean here? ---> the processing time and the shelf life are shortenedand and lengthened tremendously/immensely with the help of modern technolgy, such as advanced ... No, this is not good, because it is so confusing! Shortened and lengthened are opposites. You can write:

the processing time is shortened, and the shelf life is lengthened, tremendously/immensely with the help of modern technolgy such as advanced...
tremendously or enormously would work, but actually most of the time adverbs weaken an essay. Kill your adverbs! :-)

Use commas to separate the words in " " marks.
Ultimately, we can say, that ,"Living without technology is like living without air," in this technical world of today.
No need for the word that.

:-)

thanks a lot for the corrections .