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Room for Improvement - Rhetorical Essay Comparison and Contrast



Martinez1011 2 / 3  
Jun 21, 2019   #1

Always room for improvement



Educators and healthcare professionals, although being different career fields, have much in common. The healthcare article written by Alison Carlick and Martine Price "Improving the fundamental aspects of care" as well as the education article written by Amy S. Milsom "Students with disabilities: school counselor involvement and preparation" both convey that there is always room for improvement. Alison Carlick and Martine Price use their experience as healthcare professionals to demonstrate the ways patient care can be improved. Amy S. Milsom shows also uses professional educational experience to research done in order to prove that the education and involvement in students with disabilities needs additional assistance. The articles both show statistically why improvement is needed in both the medical and education departments.

To start, both articles are written in order to make a change in the field they are professionally involved in. The ways the authors show the need of improvements are through research and through patient feedback, which are contrasting to one another but still relay the same message. In the article "Improving the fundamental aspects of care" they want to enhance patient care and focus on certain areas that stood out more from what patient feedback showed. In addition, the article "Students with disabilities: school counselor involvement and preparation" they want to show that students with disabilities do not get the special treatment that is needed as well as counselors needing to increase involvement in the education of those students which they are not fully equipped to do.

Alison Carlick and Martine Price article included research mostly through patient feedback but also through trust fund reports. The reports through patient feedback revealed that the main areas of concern were communication, fluid and food intake, and rest. The Health and Social Care Guide for Wales (WAG 2002) highlighted the importance of communication with service users. Furthermore, the trust funds closely monitored pressure ulcer prevalence, patient falls and complaints. In Amy S. Milsom's article, Helms and Katsiyannis (1992) used a survey on counselors at a Virginia elementary school showing the issues with students being self-concept, social skills, behavior, study skills and lastly career awareness. In 1980, the American School Counselor Association (ASCA) developed a statement concerning the counselor role for students with disabilities. There focus was on students with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder and special needs. They made referrals to specialist, assisted in planning for careers as well as helping students with their behavior. Although these authors found their research in a different way, they were able to provide what was needed in order to make a difference.

The audit tools used in the article of Alison Carlick and Martine Price had different expectations to meet, which came through patient and staff response. "Feedback showed that patients welcomed the opportunity to express their opinions and to be involved in service improvement." Furthermore, red tray systems (Bradley and Rees 2003) had nutritional support and assistance. A central feature of the work was to rise staff awareness at all levels in the (NHS trust) which was known for putting guidance into action resulting in the development and improved practice. After receiving reports presented by the trust's board, the plan consisted of addressing the aspects of care. There was even an open panel for patients to engage with the public to discuss issues. Like Carlick and Price's article Amy Milsom's article uses tools such as The School Counselor Preparation Survey-Revised (SCPS-R) which was a survey that revealed if the counselors felt prepared to involve in activities as well as the education with students that have disabilities. The authors were successfully able to use their tools to point out the ways that improvement was needed.

The audience for the article "Improving the fundamental aspects of patient care" is mainly to other healthcare professionals. Carlick and Price use their professional status to interact with the audience as well as use relation with them. They use their article to educate other healthcare professionals in the ways that prove that patient care must be taken seriously. Amy S. Milsom's article Milsom "Students with disabilities: school counselor involvement and preparation" her audience is to the school district. Being a school counselor herself she feels as though she is not fully prepared to be involved in the education of students with disabilities.

To conclude, both well written articles were written had great endings they both were able to receive funding for the improvements that were needed in each field of study. Carlick and Price "raised the profile and value of caring" as well as developed funding for the start of other projects. Milsom's article resulted in the correct preparation and involvement for counselors of students with disabilities. Amy S. Milsom, being a professor herself, used her experience as a counselor to develop the research of school counselors not being fully prepared to involve themselves in the studies of students with disabilities. Both article show an ethos appeal in the reason being that Milsom, Carlick an Price used their professional experience one being a counselor for students with disabilities and the others being a nurse director. They tells the struggles they faced and point out the areas that need correction. By receiving the funds they required in order to make the necessary moves, they prove that there is always room for improvement.

Maria - / 1096  
Jun 23, 2019   #2
@Martinez1011
Hello there!

Let me do my best to provide you with substantial feedback on your essay.

Your writing has a lot of demonstrated depth, meaning you are able to articulate in detail the reasons as to why a specific argument should be recognized in the process. Regardless, you should also attempt to compose your messages in a way that you are articulating with more precision. Having a straightforward approach to writing will help you create a more dynamic and educational background, enabling you to have more hold over the entirety of the text. Recognize it when you are becoming repetitive already as this will help you trim down the excessive words.

I have also noticed that you had a few grammatical/technical slip-ups throughout the entire process, making it quite difficult to discern some portions of the text. Notice the second to the last paragraph of your text. Some areas here were quite intrusive and inarticulate in relaying the message.

Observe this revision:

... with the audience as well as ... them through using relations. They use t Their article is to educate other healthcare professionals in the ways that prove that patient ...

Having a more concise hold of the language helps tremendously.

Best of luck as always!


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