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TOEFL: Sad but true, we become less happier and unsatisfied than we were in the past

olivia0926 1 / -  
Oct 13, 2020   #1
I make a practice on TOEFL writing and would like to hear comments on it.

people now are less happier and satisfied than people were is the past

Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happier and satisfied than people were is the past.

The change speed of the world in the decades is several times than two thousand years. New technology launches everyday that turns the world everyday a brand new day for people. The rapid changing of the world grants people less time to react to the circumstances they encounter with. To not be left by the world, everyone is forced to learn quicker.

Not all people are good at adapting themselves to the circumstances they are in. Gradually, people become less happier and satisfied than people were in the past. More and more people get depression in the last ten years attributed to the rapid change of the world. The change gives us an unstable feeling that nothing is for sure, where the truth we believe in today may become the fault tomorrow.

I believe I am one of the most influenced. I myself struggle a lot whenever new technology launches and just realize recently this progress of technology suggests changes- mandatory changes of the life style. I was a person who liked to be out reach, by being out of the town and excluding any visits, to enjoying time being alone. Such life style gives me the feeling of tranquil as I feel I have all the control over my life and my selves. In the past, Even though I cut off the connections to the outer world, I don't need to worry about the world I will face since when I come back, everything remains almost the same and I can still catch up. However, as the technology has revolutionary progress during this decade, especially the invention of Internet, I myself am forced to change such life style. I won't have excuses to be out of reach wherever I go. Being interrupted, or even just the thought of it, by the outer world makes me anxious. Not to mentioned that the world could be totally different in a very short period of time.

Such insecurity change I way I live and believe not only I but most people nowadays force themselves to adapt to the new world. Gradually, We just found nothing is in control instead of acceptance, to accept that the invention of "internet" totally change the way we access to information, the artificial intelligence is deciding the appearance of the world. Losing control lead to the anxiety shared by the society. Sad but true, we become less happier and unsatisfied than we were in the past.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,732 3069  
Oct 14, 2020   #2
Your opening paragraph is not very understandable to a native English speaker. You are making claims that are not related to the original presentation. Your response is also incomplete as you do not offer a direct response: Do you agree or disagree? Why? Rather, we have a long winded paragraph that tries to impress the examiner with your English vocabulary, which, when all the words are put together, did not make for an understandable sentence. The main problems with your presentation are as follows:

- Lack of clarity in your presentation based on difficult to understand explanations and ideas
- Problems with word choice and usage
- An extreme problem when it comes to grammar and formality within the presentation

While you did use a good example by basing the discussion on your experience, you need to focus on the clarity of your presentation. Your sentence development is negatively affected by your inability to choose the proper words to use in the presentation. I can see your potential to pass this test. You understood the question but failed to properly express yourself. The solution would be to develop your vocabulary and increase your sentence building / writing exercises so that you will learn to write clearly by using the correct word choices.

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