How to save our society? Honour, knowledge, honesty, and humanity.

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

features of a perfect society

In recent years, the societies have changed in many cultural and economical aspects. Some people grab the idea that individuals should be categorised and valued by their social status, their jobs and their wealth. They say that the materialistic view could be a good way to identifying people's level and honour, kindness and other ethical characters are out of date. I am totally against this idea and view and in this essay I will explain my reasons.

First, I believe the characters such and being gentle, honesty, living by honour and following the conscience exist from the begging the life on the earth and never lost their value. Good manners and kindness were the basic requirements for any leaders and communities where followed ethical codes remained in the history. Even in the all holy books, there are stories of those who followed the humanity and their good name remained even after they vanished from the earth.

Secondly, in our current society, everything changes rapidly and those things which were worthy and loved by many, have been forgotten. I think first character of a good measurement should be its lasting and if something yesterday existed and today has gone, could not be considered as a good index. Wealth, social status and other material possessions could be lost as time goes on. A rich person might lose the job or went bankrupt and become no one in the society with materialistic measures. And in contrary, A thief or a liar could change to be a very well-known person because of his of her material-possessions and this could change all the basics of the ethics in the community. Of course I do not say that all rich or famous people are inhuman or unkind, just making a short discussion about the value of humanity.

In the other side, there are who see the high positions and expensive cars or houses as an index to judge about people. They say money would bring power and change many things. With money and power, one can run the country and lead it to the better way.

In sum, I believe, honour, knowledge, honesty and living by humanity would save our society and last forever.

Maryam, the essay is asking if you agree or disagree with the statement. To say that you are totally against the idea and view does not make sense. It is a prompt deviation that will automatically give this essay a failing score. You did not implement the correct discussion, which should have indicated that you disagree with the statement, not that you are against the idea. You need to follow the prompt requirements for discussion in the opening paraphrase or, as in the case of this essay, you will get a failing score in the Task Accuracy section. Once you get a failing score there, it will be difficult to bring your essay up to a passing score.

Your essay will also suffer failing scores in the remaining sections for scoring. Your grammar is atrocious. Most of the sentences that you wrote do not make any sense to the reader so you will get the lowest possible score in the C&C section as well. Your discussion totally does not represent any of the provided prompt guidelines. Your lexical resources, as evidenced by the incomprehensible paragraphs, proves that you do not understand word / vocabulary meaning either. The GRA will fail due to the very poor sentence structures and tremendously inaccurate grammar. I am sorry to say this but with all the problems the essay has, you will not pass the test at this point.

Don't just write the essays blindly. Make sure you understand the requirements before you even begin to draft the essay. Before you write your next practice test, I want you to look for similar discussions at this forum. Study how the essays were structured, what the problems were with it, and the solutions that were advised to help the writer improve. Note the advice given and then try to apply it to your own essay writing. I assure you that you will see an improvement in your work if you do as I advise.

1) Expressing errors here: many cultural and economical aspects => if you list the aspects, do not use 'many'.
2) Check your usage of collocations, prepositions, phrase and punctuation.
3) In the original topic, category and job are not mentioned, so do not put them in your topic sentence. You can write additional details in background sentence, but not in the topic paraphrasing one.

4) Expressing way is cumbersome. People will definitely find it difficult to follow your words and ideas.
5) Your style is not natural enough for ielts. You may want to consult some sample essays of professionals. I recommend you Mr. Simon, he is a really famous ielts teacher, he also has his own website containing various advice for ielts learners.

6) The structure is not parallel, for example, you use 'first' in the second paragraph but put 'secondly' in the next one.
7) Remember to check spelling afterwards.
8) Try to lessen the times you use 'I'. Be more objective.
9) Grammatical errors.
10) Task response is nor fulfilled since you do not answer whether you are agree with the view or not.
11) The conclusion is not appropriate at all. It just contains 1 sentence only, not to mention that the sentence is just a copy of the topic. A good conclusion must have a paraphrasing sentence introducing the topic again and 1 more sentence to summarize what you mentioned in the essay.