Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

'A Scholarship to China, I cannot forget that day' - essay

haitham 3 / 4  
Apr 19, 2012   #1
Could you guys please help me fix this essay, its due this friday I want to fix it so I can get the best grade, do not write it for me, just tell me what should I do. thank you very much,,

A Scholarship to China

Have you ever received a call and your mind had gone blank for a moment? I was one of the honor students in my country; I was the fourth best student in republic of Yemen in civil Engineering Field. I have worked so hard in these two years, and they are the best two years I have ever lived in my whole life. I got thanked and awarded many times during the two years I was studying civil engineering in the Academic Technical Institute. As the time I was nominated to be the leader of the graduation project group, I had known that my successful life had just began.

I worked as a leader hard to the point I did not have enough sleep those nights. I planned how we were supposed to do and finish our project before the due date. Professors said we are in group to learn and share ideas with each other, but I did not have a hard-work group, because I did not get enough help form them. So I had to do the whole work myself. I designed, planned, drew, and asked for help by myself. At the end we, the group, handed over our project to the professors, and I felt proud because I did the most work.

Professors and we discussed the project, benefit of it and how we did it. Because I did the most talking and I answered the most of the questions, the professors noticed that I am the one who designed it. They gave me the best grade ever, and they told me," This construction will be for real one day, because its well planed and designed." They did not put it in the academic's archive as the other ones; they took it to the Ministry of Public Works and Highways, and handed it to them. Two months later I got a call from the principal.

He congratulated me and thanked me about how well I did during the two years. He said,'' You are the best student in the academic and you got high grades too. I felt so proud of myself. "I am awarding you a scholarship," he said.

Being a warded is not easy at all, but I always dreamed of having a scholar ship. He said that I graduated, and I am the fourth best student in republic of Yemen. The government decided to give me a scholarship to china. At that moment my mind went blank; I stopped thinking talking or anything because of the happiness.

I thanked him so much, but he said you are the one who is supposed to be thanked due to your hard work. I cannot forget that day and I am sure that I can do better in the U.S.A. I did not accept the scholarship due to my circumstances, but I will have a better chance here and I will accept it.

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Apr 19, 2012   #2
Nice job. Your grammar and sentence structure could be brushed up a bit. I would also advise you to enhance and strengthen your opening and closing statements. Your passion and determination shine through quite nicely. You just need to organize your thoughts a bit more clearly. I would be happy to help you with any more specifics or revisions. Thanks and Good Luck!!!!! :)

Home / Writing Feedback / 'A Scholarship to China, I cannot forget that day' - essay