Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Should school leavers take a year off before going to university?


vendetta 1 / -  
Jul 16, 2018   #1

benefits of a gap year



Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university in order to travel or to work. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is common these days that many high school leavers choose to start their work or go on a trip before going to university. While a gap year can bring immediate drawbacks, I am convinced that it is more likely to have long-term benefits for their lives.

Looking at the disadvantages of taking a year off, that school leavers may find difficult to integrate into the university life due to the different environment and learning method is the main point most worth discussing. It can be understandable that students spare the time for revision in the gap year, but the teaching methodology can be unfamiliar with the way they perceive in high school causing many obstacles to absorb the new knowledge. It takes a high pressure on gap-year takers. Besides, the life out of university is mentally and physically overwhelming to inexperienced school leavers. They need a good preparation in order to avoid being exploited at work and dealing with potential dangers on the trip.

On the other hand, I would argue that the disadvantages are outweighed by the positive effects. A gap year is an ideal opportunity for students to clarify their future path. The modern society brings either benefits or challenges to youngsters, so they find arduous to choose the dilemma of pursuing their dreams. It is advisable to consider this decision vigorously by travelling or working. The practical lessons from the trips and the jobs will sharpen thoughts and help students become more mature. Moreover, when it comes to applying for a position in a company, the employer has a tendency to recruit the candidate who possess an intensive experience in life and occupation.

In conclusion, despite the negative effects, it seems to me that the benefits of a gap year are more significant for the reasons mentioned.
FatemahEbrahimi 5 / 11  
Jul 17, 2018   #2
Vendetta,
in my opinion, generally your essay is very well structured and organized. but, your reasons for disadvantages are not so strong or even much interesting.

the below sentence is very long and needs run-on correction. since the first sentence is importance and the map for the rest of the paraghraph.

Looking at the disadvantages of taking a year off...
jalp 13 / 34 7  
Jul 17, 2018   #3
@vendetta

Your first body paragraph got me a bit confused. I think you have the right idea but the sentences were all over the place.

The question is, if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and your answer is 'there are more pros than cons'. Basing on that, I think this is how you should arrange your ideas.

1. Rephrase of the topic and your answer.
2. Yours have mentioned the disadvantages(yet not clearly), but, I think you should explain one advantage that outweighs the disadvantage that you have mentioned. If you get what i mean. Then, another sentence for example.

3. Another advantage and example.
4. Your opinion
5. Summary

I hope this helps.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,289 3984  
Jul 17, 2018   #4
Vi, your discussion is only partially correct. Only your third paragraph responds to the prompt in a correct manner. Your prompt paraphrase also confused the discussion because you used the terms drawbacks and long term benefits, both of which forced a prompt deviation on your part. It is important that you use appropriate synonym words that can help you stay on track with the discussion. The correct terms to use, for reference , would have been adverse for disadvantages and favorable for advantages.

Due to the prompt deviation on your part, the essay can only be given a score for the sections that meet the prompt requirements. Since the essay will then fall under the minimum word requirement, you can't expect to get a passing score for this essay based on the remaining criteria.


Home / Writing Feedback / Should school leavers take a year off before going to university?