Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


IELTS TASK 2 : SCHOOLS AND PARENTS AS THE DETERMINERS OF CHILDREN HEALTHY LIFE



ichatea07 27 / 18  
Jan 19, 2016   #1
MANY CHILDREN THESE DAYS HAVE AN UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE. BOTH SCHOOLS AND PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SOLVING THIS PROBLEM. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

Today's generation is forced by unknown trends to do every action quickly or instantly than before. As a result, some children are identified unhealthy due to their daily habits. Regards to this, I realise that schools and parents are the main roles who have to take responsibility in dealing with this issue because both of them are the closest systems of environment in children lives.

Schools have duties to educate children to have healthy ways of life because they are the first educational places for human resources in gaining basic knowledge. Moreover, children almost allocate all their day times in class to study. For this reason, schools have compulsory tasks to invite all their students in applying healthy lifestyle. To illustrate, school can ask students to bring vegetables or fruits every day to be eaten in lunch time. This can make them used to healthier habits rather than doing nothing when the students bring chicken nuggets and burgers frequently.

Furthermore, parents are the most responsible actors to provide healthy life to kids. Kids still have no jobs and be dependent on their parents financially. Consequently, parents should be able to serve nutritious food every day such as accustoming them to consume meats, veggies, fruits, and milk. If their children do not seem to like those menus, it would be still another parents' duty to find ways in appealing healthy menus to their children. By doing this, children will have better fitness and be protected by the threat of disease. So, it is inevitable job for parents in making their kids live healthily.

To conclude, schools and parents are significant stakeholders to implement healthy lifestyle in children because of their educative roles and influences in children daily meals. In this case, I hope that all families and school can be cooperative to realise healthy life however strategies they would decide.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Jan 19, 2016   #2
Your essay is well-done. I just wonder how you can have many excellent ideas. Yet, it did not fully answer the question in this essay. Prior to discussing the body paragraphs, I'll show you how to write a very powerful intro and conclusion forming a line with the prompt.

Intro:
Today's generation is forced by unknown trends to do every action ...
It is believed that more children tend to live under a sedentary lifestyle. As such, some people argue that school and parents should take this issue into considerations. While this notion is thoroughly acceptable to some extent, I would claim that health authority and media have responsibility to endure children live health.

Conclusion:
To conclude, schools and parents are significant stakeholders to ...
The aforementioned evidence shows that more attention should be paid on children living in poor health condition. It is parents and school that should take this issue into account, while some say that other parties such health authorities and media also play an immense role. Where possible, as children's learning models, the parties should maintain their health; since their attitudes about health can inspire children and show these young people how to take charge of their own healthy life journey .
OP ichatea07 27 / 18  
Jan 21, 2016   #3
Many thanks, @eddies.

This would be very helpful for me. It really means a lot. I will try to comprehend your suggestions and put it in my writing style.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : SCHOOLS AND PARENTS AS THE DETERMINERS OF CHILDREN HEALTHY LIFE
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳