IELTS TASK 2 - The responsibility of parents and schools towards children's lifestyle

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Nowadays, most of children have a free lifestyle which leads to unhealthy body. Even though many people believe that schools and parents share the equal responsibility since they have their own roles, I would argue that the utmost responsibility is the parents as they spent most of time with adolescents.

Schools as the second place of learning process must give good examples for students and provide the healthy area since the parents cannot control them in the schools. For instance, schools have essential role for controlling the food quality such as not provide instant dishes in canteen and do not give permission for them to obtain food outside. Therefore, it can reduce the possibility of unhealthy lifestyle in that area.

However, as the main educator who spends most of the time with children, parents will become role model for their children. For example, teenagers tend to smoke if their fathers also smoke. They think that is a fine behavior since their fathers has done it for a long time. In addition, mothers have to making healthy choice by providing nutritious dishes for children and also guarding them. Lastly, parents must organise their children's leisure time activities which is more effective than schools to change their lifestyle.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although schools also help to change adolescent way of life, parents as primary care takers have bigger responsibility than schools since they are the closest and most influential to each child. Moreover, earnestness from both parties is needed to make it happened.

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Hi awe_28 :)

They think that IT is a fine behavior since their fathers hasHAVE done it for a long time.

In addition, mothers have to makingMAKE healthy choice by providing ...

... children's leisure time activities which isARE more effective than ...

Don't forget
TO + V1
SINGULAR = HAS (He, She, It)
PLURAL = HAVE (I, You, We, They)