scientists researches; average weight of people is increasing, health decreasing

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Because of some reasons, the average weight in society is increased, additionally levels of health and fitness is decreased. I will describe those reasons and will mention feasible suggestions to solve these problems.

With advent of technology in human's life, their recent lifestyle has changed. In last century, people had to work on farms. They had to hard-working for being alive. After technological developments, many people go to office for earning money. Now they have sedentary jobs instead, with no physical activity, so they were weighting too much.

Because of technology, people's nourishment has changed. Masses of people use transportation facilities instead of walking or riding with horses. Usually they rush to do their routines even they do not have enough time for themselves, so some kinds of food like fast food and sandwiches were common. Healthy food removed and fat/unsaturated fat one comes in people's nutrition instead.

Nonetheless, scientists did some researches about heath and food. They found how will be health and keep their fitness together. They classified people by range of age and health level. Also, they defined amount of healthy food for different group of folks. Media was responsible for informing people to use them. According to the "hamshahri press", after a decade people who used those ways could reserve their fitness and health.

Additionally, governments could dedicate a private budget for public sporting. They can create some green areas for people and plan to entertain and exercise program for them. They may name a particular time in a week to such programs.

To conclude, it is thought technology change people's lifestyle, but people cannot adapt their right habits too. If they were responsible for themselves in diet and health besides their new form of life, they could have kept valuable stuff like health and fitness.. I hope for a day which people know themselves and try for an integral part of their life like healthy life.

You did quite well!If you have time ,would you like to see my essay and indicate its problems?

.... you make a generalization by using the word "society". However, the prompt is specific to "certain countries". Actually, you cannot generalize this because there are countries like Ethiopia where many people still die of starvation and this may not be an issue for those countries. You need to be careful when you introduce the prompt to the reader. Tell it to them in its real sense, otherwise they would feel you are going out of topic.

Thank you for your apt indication.

Yes, you say right, because in QUESTION, it cites about "SOME COUNTRIES"

... well, you need to be careful with expressing your ideas... you tend to include irrelevant phrases that disturb your flow of ideas.
With the advancement of technology, the lifestyles of people had dramatic changes.


[i]In previous eras, the people had more physical exercises in performing their day to day tasks. However, such tasks are now mostly handled by advanced machinery replacing the manual labor.[/i] .... this is the reason. Now give an example to support it.