Ielts task 2. Sense of competion or teamwork? Which one is better?

the competition issue among young people

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My writing

Some people are of the opinion that sense of competing is advised to be concentrated on youngsters, whereas others think teaching how to teamwork is more beneficial for them afterwards. This essay will discuss both views and I shall give my own opinion later.

On the side of juveniles who are imposed of competing, this is a great method for self-improvement. When teenagers are forced to be in competitve enviroment, they will have tremendous motivation to surpass other opponents and reach the highest achievement. Therefore, this driving force stimulates these determined children to attempt constantly. Thus, they can be a successful individual with their restless efforts, which sets a good example for other teenagers and adults.

On the other hand, teaching young children how to collaborate with other people offers more advantages for them. In modern society nowadays, in order to obtain a prosperous carrier, youngsters are highly recommended to work with other co-workers. By acquiring teamwork skills, teenagers will not feel isolated and pressurable because there are other ones who will support them. This technique also teaches them to be more responsible because the mechanism of co-operation is one for all.

Personally, I agree with the idea of collaboration teaching on children. On account of teamwork plays a pivotal role in working enviroment, so children who gain this skill are more likely to be an excellent leader in the future, as they can understand how to use other people. In contrast, competing can have a negative impact on children, because those teenagers are always on the mindset of winning and this dilemma can lead to psychological problems.

In conclusion, both aforementioned statements have bright sides for children. However, teamwork is more appreciated because it is an essential skills in modern world and it lessens the pressure and teaches the accountability.

I always have trouble with concluding. Can anyone have an idea/sample suggestion to polish my conclusion? Also, give feedback on this essay. Thanks.

You have a problem with concluding because you forget that the conclusion is only a summary of the previous discussion. Therefore, your conclusion should be formed by 4-5 sentences covering the topic for discussion, 3 topic reasons based on the sentence topic per body of paragraph (POV1, POV 2, Personal opinion), then a closing sentence that indicates a close to the discussion. I will give you an example for this so it can be your template for your future concluding paragraphs.

All things considered, it appears that a discussion regarding the promotion of competitiveness among the youth is important to address. Competitive young adults tend to be more driven and successful later in their adult lives. Adolescents who learn about the importance of cooperation become better adjusted adults who know how to deal with various personalities that can be encountered. It is because of the latter belief that I support the idea of encouraging children to learn about cooperation rather than competitiveness. It pays off better for them as adults in the long run.

Holt, i've read your conclusion and I have some questions in my mind. Is it too long to write like that and even if I write a good conclusion like yours but It too long, am I going to be scored lower ? I know it is important to summary the previous discussion but is this conclusion too long and and maybe it could decrease my score right ?

Dang, you won't be scored lower for writing a longer essay provided your essay makes sense, has a proper sentence structure, and follows proper English grammar. The 5 sentence maximum is meant to help you write a proper essay length during the test. Ideally, for a task 2 essay, the proper length is anywhere from 250-275 words. 300 words will be difficult to edit within the given amount of time to write the essay response. That is also one major reason why you have the one topic in 5 sentences limit.

Everything in the test is designed to help you score more and allow you to concentrate on the clarity of your explanation as opposed to the length. A long essay can receive a low score due criteria based mistakes. A mid-length or short essay will score better if the potential for a better criteria presentation exists in your work. Basically, the scoring potential is like this:

Long essay that lacks clarity and grammar control < (less) potential for a higher score
Short and clear essay > (greater) potential for a higher score.

If you want a higher score in the test, then make sure you have written enough words that still allows you time to edit the final version before passing it for scoring. That is why you should try to stay within the 275 word discussion count. A mid length essay is always best.

Thanks, that is really helpful!