Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


There are several factors that can lead to the difficulty of getting clean water.



septiadara29 48 / 45  
Nov 20, 2016   #1
What are the causes of water scarcity? What are your solutions?

There are several factors that can lead to the difficulty of getting clean water. The essay will first discuss about factory waste and drought which are the main cause of water scarcity, and then to tackle these issues, I think that improving industrial waste management and building recharge area can overcome this problem.

There are some detrimental effects to live near factories, and one of them is difficult to find clean water resources due to lack of responsbility in industrial waste. A river in Gwalior, India for example. It has been polluted owing to textile factories waste that were bulit nearby the river, as stated by a publication from Jiwaji University. As a consequence, local authorities should buy pricey clean water from retailers. To tackle with this issue, factories should apply a management waste product by recycling the waste to remove dangerous chemicals that can be harmful before pouring it into the river. Thus, the water resources can be used again.

In one hand, some groups of people are also hard to find water since suffer a long time of dry season. For example, according to a research from Keio University shows that 47% of rural areas in Tokyo experience a serious problem in finding a well which provide enough water to fulfill their primary needs. As a result, many people, especially children, have suffer dehidration and related disease. Hence, to control this issue, they have to build a large dam that can be a recharge area during rain season. Therefore, preserving clean water appears to be essential to prevent lack of water.

All in all, it is undeniable that water pollution and draught can cause people difficult to find water. Therefore, as far as I concerned that developing management waste products and building a dam can be the best solution. (301)

ichanpants89 16 / 742  
Nov 20, 2016   #2
Septiada, I really like your paragraphing and sentence structure. It seems so coherent and informative to the reader. Yet, it is unfortunate that some of your sentences were influenced by the native language that you have. This made your writing didn't really sound like an English language. Let me help you rephrasing those problems into a more English native-like.

- ... detrimental effects to livewhen living near factories, and one of them is that it is difficult to (...) due to lack of responsbility in industrial waste that is produced by irresponsible company.

- A river in Gwalior, India for example.(where is the subject and verb? You can choose whether combining this "incomplete sentence" or make it complete)

- To tackle with this issue, factories should...

- In one handMoreover , some groups of people are also feel hard to find water ...

- ... especially children, have suffered from dehydrationdehidration ...

Additionally, spelling problems are also existed in your essay. Try to be more careful next time :)


Home / Writing Feedback / There are several factors that can lead to the difficulty of getting clean water.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳