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Sick of Ego - Essay based on a favorite quote


sa1na 9 / 72 19  
Sep 28, 2014   #1
5. Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay.

"I'm just sick of ego, ego, ego. My own and everybody else's. I'm sick of everybody that wants to get somewhere, do something distinguished and all, be somebody interesting. It's disgusting." -J.D.Salinger, Franny and Zooey

From my childhood, from the very very first moment I started to know myself, I was different. I was serious, never acting like a real child, never playing childish games, and always trying to seem older than real "me". This feeling, the feeling of dese to be uncommon between people, in the society and community, has been accompanying my since then. I never acted as a girl in my age should have done; never played the games I should have played. Funny, when you ask my family to describe me, they all tell you how grown up, serious and hard-working I am. However, is it really good, to be this different, to always try to be somebody interesting, somebody successful?

For a long while, I had been too proud about myself I believed I could do whatever I wanted. No doubt this is a perfect feeling and would help me succeed in my life; however, nothing is good when exaggerated. When you are so sure, and so proud, it would cause you to fall so badly you might not be able to stand up again for a long while, and I have never wanted that.

After some so-called, not very important "failures" -such as in a computer competition or a skating competition, I learned that not even one person exists that would be perfect in all aspects. We all have weaknesses, and those weaknesses, even if so tiny no one would notice them easily, might cause us to fail in what we tend to do.

I learned to be cautious in my way, and to be sure about my abilities, but not to be proud; to have faith in myself, but no to lose consciousness about my weaknesses. The best person that can fix our imperfections are ourselves. Only when we become aware of our weak points we can rectify them.

I still want to be different, want to be novel, and do not want to live an ordinary human life. I still do not act like others, do not think like them, and have so many different issues; issues that might not be recognizable for lots of people my age. I always participate in activities in which I am the youngest person, surprising everyone with my age. Nevertheless, I am not proud anymore; I know I am like others in lots of ways, and I know I still have a long way to go before becoming the great person I wish to be.

LittleRed2016 1 / 4 1  
Sep 28, 2014   #2
Grammar:
In the first sentence, there should be a comma between the two very's.
"the feeling of dese to be uncommon between people" does not make sense. "Dese" is not a word.
"The best person that can fix our imperfections are ourselves." are should be is because the subject of is 'the best person' not 'imperfections'.

Praise:
I love how the quote almost contrasts with your point in the essay. The essay points out how pointless it is to strive to be different, while your essay relishes in your uniqueness (but also points out that it may be a disadvantage at points).

"I still want to be different, want to be novel, and do not want to live an ordinary human life." This sentence is so relatable, I like it a lot.

Suggestions:
"However, is it really good, to be this different, to always try to be somebody interesting, somebody successful?" this question hints at the fact that your essay will compare and contrast the benefits and disadvantages of being different. However, it seems that your essay's main focus is the benefits. I suggest gearing the question a little more toward that, rather than the disadvantages.

I'm also not sure how I feel about using a question as a segue. It's interesting used here, but sometimes it can feel thrown in.


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