Small businesses are forced to close, unable to compete with multinational company

Hi, My name is Faza. Here i'm a beginner of english who want to study regarding IELTS.

Please give me some feedbacks related to
-Task Achievement
-Lexical resource
-Grammatical issue
-Coherent cohesion

Sincerly,

How to prevent the small business from collapse?

Many small businesses are being forced to close because they are unable to compete with multinational corporations.
What problem does this cause and how can those problems be solved?

the existence of unbeatable companies, selling their products internationally lead the number of smaller businesses to become bankrupt. Although increasing the level of poverty is the major problem of this cause, funding the start-up business properly could recovery their liquidity.

Indeed, the high level of poverty is more likely to be an unavoidable problem, if small companies are powerless to survive with the multinational companies. The majority of people specifically in terms of low-income background would suffer from this cause because they lose their job. Taking the giant company in Asia "Astra" as an example, this company produces fuel-combustion vehicles and monopolize whole of small companies' consumers by fascinated feature and offer. Consequently, the small one collapse due to lacking profit and lots of people become jobless, the poverty level increase then. This results in people's welfare threatening, owing to the rising poverty's rate.

How to prevent the small business from collapse? supplying the start-up companies with adequate investment would support the liquidity of the companies, avoid the possibility of poverty's increasing then. Some equity venture would be helpful for the companies' finance, if it manages the money appropriately for promoting purpose. The number of start-up businesses in America grows up significantly since it is funded by an organization gathered investors, so that the poverty's rate of America declines 0,4% each year because those companies open many job vacancies. Therefore, people's prosperity would incline.

on the whole, although poverty's rate increase since collapsing small businesses would influence unemployment, investing in the start-up businesses could alleviate the problem jobless and reduce the poverty's level.

Hi, I think you did address the topic, but your essay was not very convincing and seemed quite unorganized and difficult for me to follow. It's unclear why having more large companies at the expense of smaller companies would result in higher poverty. Don't large companies hire as many workers? Don't large companies pay as much as small companies? Maybe not, but you need to examine these assumptions more clearly if you want your argument to be convincing. Furthermore, your example of Astra is not really the best. A truck or automobile company really has to be big. There are not really any small, "mom and pop" companies that produce cars and trucks because it takes so much capital to buy all the necessary machines and factories it takes to build such complicated products. Maybe a huge industrial bakery eliminating the local bread or donut shop would be a better example. And your solution seems very vague to me. Who would be in charge of this funding or investment? Why is this investment not already taking place? Don't big investors tend to invest in large, stable corporations? So maybe too much investment is the problem? Or at least the wrong type of investment? In any case, your solution is very vague and unclear to me. Here are some other specific suggestions.

The existence of dominant {unbeatable sounds a bit odd in this context} companies, ... internationally,tends to lead to a number of smaller businesses going bankrupt.

... is the major consequence of thisproblem of this cause, funding ... could help them recover their liquidity. {"recover their liquidity" sounds pretty unnatural though}

... to survive competition with the ...
... specifically those with a low-income ... from this outcome because they would lose their job.

... produces fuel-combustion {"fuel combustion" is wrong - maybe "internal combustion"} vehicles and monopolize ]the] whole of small companies' consumers... by offering exclusive features and offers. Consequently, the small corporations collapse due to a lack of profit ... jobless, thus increasing the poverty level increase then.

... welfare being threatened, owing to the rising rate of poverty.

How to prevent the small businesses from collapsing?

... the liquidity of these companies, avoiding the possibility of a resultant increase in poverty. Some equity venture {this is vague and unclear - why exactly do you mean?} would be ...

... businesses in America has been growing significantly since they are funded by well-organized groups of investors, so that the poverty rate of America is declining 0,4% each ... Therefore, with a push for more investment in fledgling companies, people's ...

On the whole, ... increase due to collapsing ...

... the problem of joblessness and reduce the poverty level.