IELTS-Smoking kills and hence should be banned!

IELTS-Task 2-
Topic : It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Probably as everyone knows, smoking threatens both smokers' and second hand smokers' health. Since it is plain for all people how bad smoking is, something is supposed to be done to reduce smoking or at least does not let smokers to smoke wherever they want; therefore the best way to prohibit smoking is to make it illegal for people to smoke in public places in all countries. In next paragraphs I will mention some plus points of smoking ban.

It is clear, the less places be available for people to smoke, the less they could smoke., as they have to find the places which are allowed to smoke in and since they are not able to reach them easily, it is a nice way to smoke less.

Furthermore, seeing smokers can smoke freely even in public places, young people might tend to smoke. Therefore it is actually better for young people, especially teenagers, not to see many smokers around themselves.

Moreover, it would encourage smokers to give up smoking provided that they are restricted to just smoke in limited places.
In addition, non-smokers might not be endangered of respiratory disease as long as they do not be in exposure of smoke; as a result, parents can enjoy going out with their children without being concerned about consequences of being in places which some people smoke. Therefore it should be added that a large number of people are supposed to be in favor of smoking ban since it ensures both their own and their loved ones health.

As it has been mentioned above, there are a huge number of good points in smoking ban since almost all people benefit from it. I personally believe, governments are supposed to make smoking illegal in public places as soon as possible provided that they do care about people's health.

First, make a separate introduction paragraph and mention whether you agree or disagree with the notion.
Second, align your ideas in further para using trigger words and linking phrases.
Third, Use as much formal language as possible. Avoid words like ''plain'', ''plus points''.
Fourth, reduce the number of paragraphs. make them three or four at max, and make a simple sentence structure so that you can control the balance among more than two joint sentences and grammar all at once.

For example,


it is obvious that if the places where people can smoke are less or not at easy access, they will smoke less in return. Because, for smoking, they have to find a smoking area and if it is not available, they will try to control their urge to smoke.

Active smoking and passive smoking are the terms generally used for this condition. So you can use the term "passive smoking" here.
I think you need to pay attention to the essay structure.

you should avoid using too informal language such as this '' in the second paragraph i will mention... you can't write as you speak or think this gives a bad impression ,, start the paragraph directly with your main idea ,support it with examples..

... I wish you said this a bit differently;
Furthermore, smoking freely in public places may set a bad example to the younger generation even promoting them also to try smoking.


... You better elaborate a bit more on this in order to link this idea with the previous one;
Since smoking could cause many serious health issues, it is always better to take measures to prevent younger generation from the habit of smoking. Therefore, a ban on smoking in public places would help young children being not encouraged to smoke.