Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Ielts - Nowadays space exploration gain more attention and money than health and education sectors.



Missao 1 / -  
Dec 17, 2014   #1
Thank you very much for any kind of feedback!

The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays space exploration gain more attention and money than health and education sectors. Some people do not have an access to the most important public institutes in these spheres, while new shiny rockets are on their way to the Moon or other planet. I completely agree that this is a waste of money, taking into account the problems with life conditions on the planet Earth.

In my opinion, it is a waste of money because the Universe should not be a priority. Government should worry about problems which require immediate response. Moreover, high technologies which are used to create shuttles and satellites need a lot of energy and materials. As a result, government's spending on these valuable resources is enormous. I think that taxpayers would wish for their money to be spent on something helpful to all the society, not only to the researchers.

Therefore, I claim that people on the Earth should be more important for government than the possibility of life at the Universe. Space is a fascinating object for study, but even rich and democratic countries have some inner problems which could be solved in short terms if only government makes them a priority rather than space. For example, some people cannot afford the medicines or they just do not have any schools nearby, and this is definitely more important than some new star.

It can be concluded that government should change its views and pay more attention to vital public services. I argue that governments should spent more on the people who are under its protection. Many spheres of life are suffered from lack of resources, and simply accepting their existence is not enough. Before we start to find problems in the outer space, we should solve ones on our own planet.

moonvlin 2 / 5  
Dec 18, 2014   #2
Hi, Missao,

NICE TRY!

the first sentence in paragraph 2, it is a waste of money because the Universe should not be a priority.
would it be more clear with → it is a waste of money because searching the possibility of any life forms in the Universe should not be a priority. ?

oh, and, what if the government does make some extra perks for schools and hospital, how people would be benefit from it? this might be another idea to enrich your essay~

Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts - Nowadays space exploration gain more attention and money than health and education sectors.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳