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IELTS: Governments should not waste money on space exploration


Langnhatque 1 / -  
Jul 30, 2019   #1
***Please give me some feedback about my essay. I really am grateful for you help!!!

study of space and planets - is it worth the money?



It is true that some governments around the world support the study of space and planets financially. Personally, I completely disagree with the idea that the funds should be reallocated to important public services

I believe that governments should stop investing in public services. It is difficult to make sure that the money spent on these services can be managed properly. People, especially those in high positions, have become more materialistic and greedy than ever before and they often take advantage of their power. For example, it has been recently reported that many corrupt school and hospital managers in Vietnam have stolen money from the funds intented for building new facilities. Furthermore, more investment in civil services is likely to lead to an increasing overdependence on the government. This means that people who work in these fields may become less creative and more passive. When problems arise, the only solution they can think of is to ask for government assistance

By contrast, there are some reasons why government funding for space programmes should be encouraged instead. Firstly, scientific knowledge and innovations gained from studying space science will help advance the developments in other scientific fields and benefit many areas of our lives. For example, while looking for a longer lasting energy source for spaceships, space scientists have created a pannel that can store solar energy for 10 months in the early of 2015. Such inventions certainly can be used to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, thus slowing down global warming. Secondly, space flights possess the ability to create educational interest in scientific subjects. For example, millions of people around the globe stayed up all night to watch the news about the discovery of an earth-like planet discovered in 2010. Such events means that the general public, especially young students, are insprired to find out more about science and mathematics. An increase in the number of scientist in all scientific fields is certain in the future.

In conclusion, I do not believe that we should spend the budget on public servcies and stop funding space projects

Winter 6 / 12 4  
Jul 30, 2019   #2
Grammar: many corrupt schools
In the last sentence of the third paragraph, I am quite confused because more people watch about space exploration does not mean that the number of scientists increases

Because of that I suggest that you should write that people become more aware of the importance of space travel
Despite that the coherence is quite clear
Maria - / 1,100 389  
Jul 31, 2019   #3
@Langnhatque
Hello there! Given that you're new here, welcome to the forum! I hope you find this writing feedback to be helpful to your endeavors.

The initial opening line needs a bit of enhancement. Try to create a thesis statement that would have more of an argumentative approach to it rather than blatantly informative. If you do this, you'll be able to add more details to the text provided.

Furthermore, while giving out your personal opinions is alright for the chunk of the text, try to avoid doing this too much. Balance it out with general thoughts and opinions. For example, take a look at your second paragraph. You immediately began it with an opinionated line.

Remember to also be cautious of structured writing at all times.


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