Space Exploration and Humankind Existence - IELTS TASK 2

Hi guyssss! I'm practicing IELTS writing and would like to hear any feedback or recommendations from the forum. Thank all in advance!

Topic: Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. What is your opinion?

too much money on space research?

My essay:
A long time ago, space exploration was established as a result of that human desire to understand outer space. However, some people argue that space exploration costs such an unnecessary huge budget that we should pool our resources to more important things. I don't agree with this argument and believe that space discovery plays a crucial role in the society.

First, the fact that space research is costly doesn't mean it's not value for money. In order to assess the merits of this science industry, we need to understand the intrinsic value of it. For instance, in the past, when smartphones hadn't existed yet, we could hardly see the importance of them and could never imagine that they would, one day, become such a undetachable tool of our lives. The case of smartphones has proved that it requires a long-term vision so as to evaluate the importance of an exploration effort. Subsequently, it is erroneous to prematurely conclude that space exploration is unnecessary.

Second, to understand the behind reasons for space exploration is to see why it's worth so much time and capitals of humankind. Thanks to the fast-paced technological development and the hunger for discovery of humankind, it has been long known that we, the human beings, are not alone in this universe. Hence, the expedition into space will enable us to verify whether there are other forms of lives, as well as whether there are alternative livable planets, besides planet Earth. Nevertheless, the advanced innovation of our society has created lots of global issues, which are gradually more harmful to our lives. And it is not unreasonable to claim that our planet Earth would one day become an extinct environment. These outstanding issues have explained why many scientists, environmentalists, or even businessmen have invested a significant part of their resources to learn about the outer space.

In a nutshell, space exploration can be considered as one of the best resorts to ensure the sustainable existence of humankind. As long as space exploration continues to innovate and is able to bring fruitful results, not only will we be able to gain extraordinary knowledge, but we may also be capable of discover another homeland for our society.

Firstly, you only wrote about benefits of space exploration. You should have mentioned about the other side of the coin too. Like how the money can be used to develop public services. Usually ielts question has two statements like some people believe its good to spend money on space exploration while some dont. So pick a side and first write about the other side which u dont believe in. Imagine like building a structure n then in your next para destroy the structure by agruing against those points. Thats what i do when i write my essays.

I think you should avoid writing 'in a nutshell'. I read somewhere is not very formal. Eithed go for in conclusion or to conclude or to sum up.

Keep it simple

I would recommend that you try to omit unnecessary words in your essay. When you're working with academic essays, you will find yourself bound by word counts. This means that you have to try to condense your language. You should also try to be more precise with your language to help your essay become more specific.

For instance, let's take a look at your first paragraph. I can revise the first sentences here as:
Space exploration was created decades ago because of humanity's desire to understand space. However, there are arguments that counter this. Some say that the high cost of space exploration should be allocated in more important projects.

Notice how I had divided it into three different sentences to make the structure simpler. Alongside that, I also tried to be more precise with language (ie. changing a long time ago to decades ago) to have more formality in the construction of the essay. I have also made sure that I tried to strip down your content (ie. instead of saying unnecessary huge budget, I just mentioned that it has a cost) to accommodate more information.

You had were doing the same act of adding unnecessary length to your essay even until your third paragraph. For instance, in the second sentence here, I would have phrased it as:

Technological development fulfills the hunger for discovery, making us realize that we are not alone.

Notice how you can get away with removing the first phrase without risking changing what you want to tell the readers about your essay. I would also suggest that you try to implement this strategy elsewhere in the essay where it's necessary.

Best of luck.

hi Maria. Thanks a lot for your feedback! I agree with many points in your comments. I'm still using lots of redundant words in my essays.

However, i would like to ask for some more recommendations from you. Some sites advise that we should use complex sentences in IELTS task 2 to impress the examiner. What do you think?

There should always be a balance when it comes to constructing your sentences. While I generally advise people to evade complex structures (as a small denture can impact your essay greatly in terms of quality), if you are confident enough in these formats, you may do it.

A mixture of both simple and complex sentences are what create effective, heart-pounding essays. This is ideally, of course. This is also assuming that one has already grasped the fundamentals of the language. I suggest playing around a bit until you find and land a rhythm that you are comfortable with. Once you do this, you will be able to write organically.

However, please do note that the usage of redundant words does not equate to a complex sentence structure. A complex sentence structure can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. It would be up to you to decipher what this entails for you. But, if you were to ask me, I would opt that complex sentences wherein you try to correlate and integrate two separate clauses (or clusters of thought) in one sentence should always be reserved and kept at bay.

Again, it really is a matter of preference in the end.