IELTS SPEAKING PART 2 - Describe a job you would not like to do in the future

Hi guys, please tell me your ideas about my answer. I'm really both happy and grateful for all of comments

Describe a job you would not like to do in the future

Answer:
Well, a job I would not like to do in the future is singer. There are many reasons why I would not like to do this job. First of all, beginner singers have to practice enough to be comfortable singing in front of people. They have to take care of their vocal cords to make sure their voice is as good as it can be. Honestly, I really feel sick and tired of practising my voice every day.The weapon of singer's success in my view, is good looks and charisma combined with catchy songs along with a good marketing team. In fact, I don't have anything of them. Additionally, I am overwhelmed by the massive crowds and I feel claustrophobic in crowds of people.

Furthermore, loud music made my hearts beat faster and blood pressure go up. When A famous singer decide to hold a concert in a region and it quickly become a major news story, covered in all of our media from newspapers to TV, and most radio channels.

Actually, I don't like to be famous person because the negative news about me on news channels and in newspapers has a negative influence. I always think of it to be stressful and pressurizing .As a matter of fact, I personally never had keen interest in the musical field.

In conlusion, I also think that such stressful jobs are not meant for everyone as it will also affect one's personal life. The negative environment at the work place can also alter one's psyche. Therefore, a profession that would be my last choice would certainly not be the job of a well-known singer.

I think you should use "on top of that" instead of "additionally" and "novice singer" instead of "beginner singer". That's just my opinion.

Hi, here are my suggestions:
- Beginner singers have to practice "enough" to be ... => should be "a lot", enough doesn't seem right to me in this context
- Subject Verb Agreement: blood pressure "go" up => should be "goes"; When A famous singer "decide" => should be "decides" and many more.
- Furthermore, loud music made ... When A famous singer decide ... => I don't think your second sentence has anything related to the first one. Why did you put them in a same paragraph?

- Article: I don't like to be a famous person
Hope you find this useful ^^!

The job is called singing, and the person doing the job of singing is called a singer. Use the correct descriptive words to add accuracy to your work. Try to be more creative in your approach regarding the opening statement. Don't be so direct to the point when writing a creative piece. You could have opened with:

Someone once asked me if there was any job that I would never do. I thought about it for a bit and decided that the work I could never see myself doing would have to be singing. I know, there are people who would do anything for such a high profile job. However, I have some really personal reasons for not wanting to participate in singing industry.

Give the reader a hook. Make sure you catch his interest before you start discussing your reasons. The hook is what should make him interested in the story you have to tell. Deliver an interesting scenario first, then present the topic. Don't just jump into it without building a foundation first. All essays require the presentation of a backstory, before you present the actual discussion. It makes for an effective essay,

Your explanation paragraphs are not very good. You have to focus on fully explaining each reason before launching into a second one. If you want to discuss the vocal chords, then offer a paragraph about that. Then, another paragraph for the good looks, then another one about loud music, and so on and so forth.

Your discussion went off topic when you discussed becoming a famous person. Not all singers are famous. Some are not celebrities, some are not YouTube sensations, some are just singing for the job. Do not mix them up. You are talking about a person whose job is to sing. Not a celebrity who is a singer. There is a big difference between the two occupations.