Spendings and savings, and economy of a country
Some people think that it is better for a country's economy for people to spend money while others believe that it would be better for people to save money. Discuss both sides and give your opinions.
Whether people should spend their money and boost national economy, or whether they should save money for future use is a controversial issue. Nobody can deny that the amount of money spent in a daily basis is directly connected with the economic situation of a country. However, I am inclined that people should keep their money safe in the banks in order to use them in case of need.
Firstly, it is essential for all people to have savings for several purposes such as education. Parents should save a small amount of their monthly income, in order to invest in their children's education. As a result, children will enrich their knowledge, get prepared to leave childhood behind and become adults that are valuable assets for modern societies. Furthermore, saving money can be a personal investment for individual's health. Unfortunately, death rates from flus are steadily increased, especially in Third World countries, where poverty rates are also high. Each person should keep some money aside and use them in case of emergency, such as a surgery or a virus influenza.
On the other side, few would dispute that buying material possessions will help national economies to rise and become financially stronger. In case all people start saving their money, the risk of corruption will be increased, as market will not have any earnings from purchases. For instance, in 2013, Cyprus had faced the greater financial corruption of Cypriot history. The main cause of this was the increased amount of people's savings in national banks.
To sum up, although daily transactions can improve economy, I strongly believe that savings are crucial for people to live a decent life. People should save a part of their money, so in future they will have the chance to spend them wherever they want.I can see some points:
- You make sentences so long. In the first sentence, whether.....issue., you can make it shorter by
... or whether they should save money for ...
- in on a daily basis
- Paragraph 2, you discuss something wrong, the prompt is asking "is it better for a country's economy", not what is the benefit for people on saving money. => you should find out which is the topic sentence related to the prompt. If you cannot do it, you seem write something wrong. So to do it better, you need to stick the topic sentence in the beginning, then focus on it
- Paragraph 3 is OK, but you should say directly to topic sentence, shouldn't write like topic sentence (+) => discussion (-)
- You didn't give your opinion. You should separate your opinion into the other group and make it more detail by answering your opinion
The conclusion is not good. The topic didn't ask you is it good or not for saving
You can draw circles like this "core circle": it is better for a country's economy , "discussion circle": spending money/ saving money, then think how to write it. I have learnt by this technique; however, sometimes I still misunderstand :D
