I am preparing for my Toefl test, and I really need someone to correct my essays. This is my first attempt, please help me to improve it. Thank you so much!
TOPIC: What recent news story has affected you the most? In what way has it affected you?
Use reasons and examples to support your response.
Some days ago, I came across a newspaper, and so read in it a story which inspired me a great deal. It was about a boy who cycled 100 kilometres to Ho Chi Minh City to attend the entrance exam to University.
That boy, called Hung, was from a poor family in Tien Giang (a province in the Southern area of Vietnam). His parents were both farmers, and it was too hard for them to afford their son's desire to study. However, the determined boy did not surrender. Lacking money for transportation, he had to cycle all the way of 100 kilometres from his town to Ho Chi Minh City, carrying nothing but some Tet cake and bottles of mineral water prepared at home. Arriving in the City, Hung could not find any apartment cheap enough to rent, so he spent his first night in the open air in a park. Luckily, earlier in the next morning, a kind man, who was going jogging, saw the poor boy and took him in, even when his family of seven people had to share a tiny apartment of only 20 meters square.
The story really left a great influence on me. I had not ever thought there would be such a hard working student. There are many examples of poor girls and boys who have been struggling to study, certainly, but what impressed me most in this story is Hung's determination. For me, travelling such a long way without a motor vehicle must be impossible; he proved that it is totally possible. Moreover, he could manage to stay alone with little money in a big city like that. I myself spent three days in Ha Noi to attend the entrance exam, and I do not know how I could manage there without the help of my parents. Now I realize that I should learn to be more independent. Someday maybe I will be in a situation like him, alone in a strange city, so trying to stand on my own feet is the only way to 'survive'.
All in all, I greatly appreciate the boy's determination. Indirectly, he taught me a valuable lesson: there are situations in life that are hard to undergo, but nothing is impossible as long as we try to.
[i]
Written by fearistheenemy[i]
TOPIC: What recent news story has affected you the most? In what way has it affected you?
Use reasons and examples to support your response.
Some days ago, I came across a newspaper, and so read in it a story which inspired me a great deal. It was about a boy who cycled 100 kilometres to Ho Chi Minh City to attend the entrance exam to University.
That boy, called Hung, was from a poor family in Tien Giang (a province in the Southern area of Vietnam). His parents were both farmers, and it was too hard for them to afford their son's desire to study. However, the determined boy did not surrender. Lacking money for transportation, he had to cycle all the way of 100 kilometres from his town to Ho Chi Minh City, carrying nothing but some Tet cake and bottles of mineral water prepared at home. Arriving in the City, Hung could not find any apartment cheap enough to rent, so he spent his first night in the open air in a park. Luckily, earlier in the next morning, a kind man, who was going jogging, saw the poor boy and took him in, even when his family of seven people had to share a tiny apartment of only 20 meters square.
The story really left a great influence on me. I had not ever thought there would be such a hard working student. There are many examples of poor girls and boys who have been struggling to study, certainly, but what impressed me most in this story is Hung's determination. For me, travelling such a long way without a motor vehicle must be impossible; he proved that it is totally possible. Moreover, he could manage to stay alone with little money in a big city like that. I myself spent three days in Ha Noi to attend the entrance exam, and I do not know how I could manage there without the help of my parents. Now I realize that I should learn to be more independent. Someday maybe I will be in a situation like him, alone in a strange city, so trying to stand on my own feet is the only way to 'survive'.
All in all, I greatly appreciate the boy's determination. Indirectly, he taught me a valuable lesson: there are situations in life that are hard to undergo, but nothing is impossible as long as we try to.
[i]
Written by fearistheenemy[i]
