IELTS: Stressful jobs and long working day_problem and solutions

Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees?

In this modern era, many jobs are becoming very stressful for workers. Along with that, their working hours also expands. This essay will point out two main causes and suggest some possible solutions.

In my opinion, high unemployment rate and the urge to make more money are the two reasons for this trend. Firstly, it is undeniable that the number of jobless people is on the increase. Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else instead of one who cannot fulfill his tasks at work. This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant. Secondly, the prices of mostly every product and services are increasing day by day. Hence, in order to make ends meet for himself, or even support his family financially, one is under stress to work harder and perform better, which will possibly result in promotion or higher salaries and bonuses.

If companies want to reduce stress at work and shorten working day for their employees, some solutions need to be taken into consideration. Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not mean efficiency can be improved; in contrast, it might lead to employees working less effectively owing to stress and fatigue. Also, it is necessary that companies provide a sense of job satisfaction to their workers, as only by being happy with what they do can employees fare to the best of their ability. Employers can achieve this by creating a friendly working environment or offering bonuses as well as medical and retirement benefits.

In conclusion, many employees are now having to face stressful jobs and long working hours due to a high level of unemployment and their financial needs. In spite of this, companies should take measures to lessen the pressure put on their employees and the hours of work for the sake of their profits.

I want to have some transitions between the second and the third paragraph but can't think of anything to write. Any suggestions?
Please give me some feedback. Any comments are appreciated.

Aprilapril,
I suppose your points for possible solution is not strong enough.
Think about some more solutions for stress at work besides the point you already stated.
I would like to suggest some ways to reduce stress at jobs;

# Providing fitness room / recreation room ( video games , yoga etc.) at break time. Or even working out
Whole department together once a week which not only brings interaction among coworkers but also keeps healthy and
relaxed

# providing individual cubicles for every employee which gives a sense of
Own place to the employees.

# providing longer contract 5 or 10 year etc.

And my suggestion for transition sentence;
# Companies should focus on overcoming such or any other kind of stresses in order
to achieve efficient and steady work performance. Increasing salary, reducing working shift
hours, providing recreation facilities or redesigning work space are some examples which contributes
to reduce stresses. ( now you can elaborate each points further...)

Or
# As stressed workers impede company's performance, it is essential to work towards abating it. Increase in salary,..., ... , are helpful in providing some sort of job satisfaction and assurance among workers.

Thank you guys for such great ideas. They are all helpful to my essay.
I'll definitely rewrite it, add a few points, change some words and sentences, and then repost it.
Please comment on my rewritten version later.
Btw, if I replicated the original in my real test, could you tell me what bandscore would I be looking at? Thanks.

The first paragraph can be phrased with more sophistication, with phrases more like "stress levels are high" and "long work hours adding pressure to the busy schedule of modern life" (Just a suggestion, whatever feels right to you.) Also, I think it would sound more professional if you directly say: ___ and ___ are two main causes of the issue, and a possible solution could be ___.

...it would be much easier easier in comparison to...? simply "it would be easy for" works for a company to hire someone else as a replacement for one who cannot fulfill his tasks at work.

This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant. this sentence structure is a little awkward

Secondly, the inflation rate grows daily, leading to a corresponding increase in the cost of living.

If possible, the last paragraph should include a suggestion on how to reduce the stress as well.

Best of luck!

1."Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not mean efficiency can be improved".I think you can write this sentence like this."Employees should understand that longer hours of work does not results in higher productivity".

2.you can connect your 2nd para to the next one in a simple way. However,the stress and tension in the workplace can reduce to a great extent if employers take some necessary actions.

I've taken all your suggestions into account and will make the best out of them to improve this one and my next essays.
I really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for helping me!!