IELTS Writing Task 1: Student enrolment in 1980 and 2000

the proportion of students pursuing different degree programs

Topic: The chart below show changes in student enrolment by degree at a university in Canada in 1980 and 2000.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts illustrates the percentage of students pursuing specific types of degree at a university in Canada in 1980 and 2000.

Overall, it is clear that most students were studying for a bachelor degree in1980 and 2000. Also, the percentage of students enrolled in other 3 degree programs increased during 20 years period.

To specify, the proportion of bachelor's degree students, which accounted two thirds of the total in 1980, plummeted sharply to 42% in 2000. Even though the share of bachelor degree students decreased, it still remained the category with the highest percentage of student enrolment. However, the proportion of students who pursued associate and doctoral degrees occupied at 13% and 2% in 1980, went up to only 5% and 3% in 2000, respectively.

Similarly, in 1980, the percentage of master's degree students made up at 9%, before sharply surged to 35% in 2000.

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You have to identify the number of images that are being used in the report. That helps the reader to anticipate how much information for comparison purposes will be presented. Additionally, you should be more accurate in your information presentation. A summary of the courses offered would have also helped present a listing of what information would be analyzed in the later paragraphs. Good work on using connecting adverbs. That will definitely be noticed and will help give you a better GRA score.

The last sentence at the end should be included as a part of the previous paragraph. This is not a 4 paragraph report. It could easily be completed within 3 paragraphs. As a stand alone sentence, the presentation does not help add clarity or analysis to the presentation. However, when added to the previous paragraph at the end, it has a better sense of importance and adds clarity to the overall paragraph presentation.

I think the last sentence is a bit in a mess. I'd love to rewrite it as below:

the percentage...in 2000.
=> master's degree holders made up 9% of the whole student body in 1980, a percentage surging to 35% in 2000.

@NgocLinhh
1st paragraph: the pie charts illustrates => illustrate
2nd paragraph: they are the pie charts, have no continuous trends. Thus, do not use the word 'during'
3rd paragraph: occupied 'at' => occupied 'for'

Hope to help you:)

@NgocLinhh
Hi, "The pie charts illustrates" pie charts = plural so you must use plural verb as well ( illustrate).
went up to by only 5% ...

@Holt
Thanks for your kind words