Students having part-time jobs during their study in college has many negatives!

Nowadays, more and more students decide to have a part-time job during their study in college. A part-time job gives us chances to get experiences for our working and money to cover our needs without parents' providing. However, it also has negative effects on students for several reasons.

First of all, the part-time job can make students neglect their study. The fact is that a part-time job requires learners to spend more time than it does. After hard-working hours, most students need time to have a break, chat with friends, go shopping...to relax instead of studying immediately. Many students often stay up late to finish their study without knowing that human brain in late night can't work as good as it does in the morning; as a result, their study will be not ensure.

Another certain drawback is that students' health will be affected while dedicating to the part-time job. For instance, some jobs start at the early morning and finish late; it means that learners are not able to care their health thoroughly. Moreover, it is studied that more than 30% of people meet with accidents when working at part-time job places. And the thorny question is: " How can we know we will be not one of them?"

A part-time job gives us chances to get experiences for our working and money to cover our needs without parents' providing.
:A part-time job gives us chances to gain experiences for our working and money to cover our needs without parents' providing.

This topic suggests you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL. The first issue is this essay is two short and does not follow the recommended essay structure. You need to have at least about 350 words and the essay should have an introduction, minimum two body paras and a conclusion. In this essay there is no conclusion :(


... after reading your full essay, I understand you show more negativity about working part-time. So, it is better if you expressed that in the introduction itself;

However, I believe that this has more negative effects on students based on several reasons;

I'm really thankful for your replies. In fact, my teacher asked me to write an introduction and paragraph for that topic, so the above paragraphs are not all my essay. If you have any ideas in my writing, please tell me know. I really appreciate! :X