Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.
Within the last few decades, there has been an unprecedented development of competitive job market in society. Due to the great decreasing economy, it is very difficult to find a good job nowadays. To looking for a desirable and successful job, I believe that both social skills and knowledge are important for us because of demands and requirements of companies. Those companies in the labor market have a comprehensive system of selecting good interviewees.
First of all, studying hard and getting great academic achievements are crucial for obtaining a desirable job. As we all know, before face-to-face meeting intervierers, administor departments will recieve a large number of materials from graduate students. Maybe individuals can show their strengths of communication and relationships by saying that they join social clubs in school, however, companies need something specific and concrete to assess their interviewees. They pay more attention to their background knowledge, standard ability of language, academic achievements in campus. So not until people show other advantages, some of them have been excluded.
Furthermore, the ability to relate well to people is as important as studying hard in school. When they pass the first stage of selection, they are required to be faced with interviewers in their meeting rooms. At that time, there will be perhaps three or five leaders to ask them a variety of questions. If they are not good at interpersonal skills or behave nervouly during the process, they will leave bad impressions on managers and will be excluded in the second stage. Therefore, students lacking social skills cannot get successful jobs in the labor market as well.
All in all, I believe that students should pay attention to both communication and knowledge due to the comprehensive selecting system of companies. The more preparations they do, the more likely they are able to get good work in the future, no matter how competitive the market is.
Since you are arguing that both views are as important as one anther, and because this question takes these two view points as the opposite side, the appropriate transition is not 'Furthermore', but it should be something that means regardless of what you have mentioned previously.
Furthermore,Nevertheless, the ability to relate well to people is as important as studying hard in school. When they pass the first stage of selection, they are required to be facedhave good communication skills with interviewersespecially for interviewing in their meeting room s. At that time, there will be perhapsThere may be three or five leaders to ask ...
... or behave nervously during the interview process, they will leave bad impressions ...
Therefore, students lacking social skills cannot
getbe successful jobs in the laborjob market as well.
First of all, great effort on this essay! but do allow me to make some suggestions :
To looking for a desirable and successful job
Everyone can look for a job, the matter is acquiring it. Here's my take on it,
In order to acquire a desirable and successful job,
Only companies in labour market does so ?
Here's my opinion on your first paragraph:
You didn't show whether do you agree or not, it is important to give a response to the question stated above. This is because this will allow your examiner or professor have a guideline for your following points.
As we all know = Don't expect your reader to know, unless it a previous mentioned point.
So not until people show other advantages, some of them have been excluded.
this sentence is rather confusing.
they are required to face with interviewers in their meeting rooms.
Your essay is not really up to what was required, you are required to choose and explain your choices. All you need to fix for this essay is to pick your stand and try to persuade the reader.