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'Successful future = successful school?' - Why did you choose to apply to UCF?


janaylloyd09 4 / 9  
Dec 9, 2008   #1
My Dream School : University of Central Florida

"A successful future is always motivated by a successful school!" There are many fantastic schools that would allow me to pursue my interest in psychology and event management, but upon my research, none of them amount to U.C.F. I am convinced that UCF is the school that will significantly educate me and allow me to become ethically and socially responsible. Being the only girl of an all-boy family, I am searching for change. I'm looking for a school that I can adjust to and allows me to feel at home even when I am away. I believe UCF is this school. I desire to be apart of a nurturing environment that will prepare me for my transition into the real world. Like others, I take my education very seriously. I believe that education is paramount and while building my knowledge about the school, I have found that we both share the same passion. The thing that I admire most about the school is that UCF is diverse and it supports an inclusive environment. No matter your appearance, beliefs, or opinions, there is always an open door of opportunity. UCF offers various amounts of majors as well as minors for individuals such as myself to choose from. No one will go unnoticed. There is something for everyone. It would be a great privilege to be apart of UCF, and if I were accepted to be apart of the U.C.F family, I would not only foresee it as a great honor and privilege, but I would consider it a tremendous blessing.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 9, 2008   #2
Excellent, you write very well. I'm impressed with the varied length and structure of your sentences. Now, to improve it, use paragraphs to divide up these sections! :) Like below:

"A successful future is always motivated by a successful school!" There are many fantastic schools that would allow me to pursue my interest in psychology and event management, but upon my research, none of them amount to U.C.F. I am convinced that UCF is the school that will significantly educate me and allow me to become ethically and socially responsible.

Being the only girl of an all-boy family, I am searching for change. I'm looking for a school that I can adjust to and allows me to feel at home even when I am away. I believe UCF is this school. I desire to be apart of a nurturing environment that will prepare me for my transition into the real world. Like others, I take my education very seriously. I believe that education is paramount and while building my knowledge about the school, I have found that we both share the same passion.

The quality that I admire most about the school is that UCF is diverse and it supports an inclusive environment. Regardless of your appearance, beliefs, or opinions, there is always an open door of opportunity. UCF offers various amounts of majors as well as minors for individuals such as myself to choose from. No one will go unnoticed. There is something for everyone. It would be a great privilege to be apart of UCF, and if I were accepted to be apart of the U.C.F family, I would not only foresee it as a great honor and privilege, but I would consider it a tremendous blessing.
OP janaylloyd09 4 / 9  
Dec 9, 2008   #3
Thank you very much!!! I took your advice:-) made the changes, and now i'm ready to submit my essays.


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