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Students work hard for their studies and sometimes it causes some damage

fardan10 18 / 25 1  
Apr 7, 2016   #1
In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies.
What do you tink are the main causes ?
What solutions can you suggest ?

In these days, the urgency of work hard in the learning process has forced youngster to face under pressure and have short of rest time. It is argued that those are caused by certain reasons, while possible alternatives can be rendered to overcome this situation.

There is no doubt that most parents expect their children to achieve the best mark of their study. Considerable amount of time spending on doing homework or extra learning by children in their home. In addition, high-competitive system in education process insists the students to obtain high standar to pass the test or examination. As a result, most of them can possibly feel depression due to the great pressure. It is inevitable that because of those conditions childrens cannot relaxing their leisure time.

However, there are several solutions can possibly make the situation better. Initially, it is fundamental for the parents to encourage their children to overdo their activities with enjoy and. I would argue that both parents and government have to play a great role to give better treatment to lead the young generation reaching the bright future by letting the children express their mind in the leisure time properly. It is possible for the government to arrange a policy for educational system which is not examination-oriented to measure student capability. Therefore, the pupils can enjoy reasonably their rest time.

In conclusion, it is imperative that several conditions such as expectation of parents and educational system can lead to under pressure and lack of leisure time. I defenitely believe that both parents and governments should think to provide reasonable amount of time for young generation to escape from depression due to the learning system.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 7, 2016   #2
Hi Muh, Victor here made a huge effort in giving you some ideas on how to better your essay and I hope you follow through, it is a very comprehensive modification and it should provide you with great insights on how to better your essay.

Now, what I notice in most of your essays is that, you have the idea, you know how to approach the essay, but the expression of this ideas are not flowing quiet smoothly, they lack the sense of oneness, it's like a new idea all the time and the flow is missing.

I believe, what will help, is for you to be able to review the language rules, make sure that you apply them in your essays and most of all, learn from others essays. A healthy comparison is always good.

Keep writing and practice more.

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