TED Summary : Teach every child about food

Causes of death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual. Food revolution need for better future, because of the food many teenagers suffer an obesity. It made them cannot go anywhere. In addition, there is a massive problem that many places provide fast food. For example, the food like pizza. The food is not fresh, because of the time many student eating non-healthy foods at every time which are early morning, afternoon and night. Many children do not know about kinds of vegetables and fruit. They can be taught from home or school. Small children should drink two bottles of milk before going to school. There are some materials that are worse as much sugar in there. There are other foods that contain much sugar. Sugar can effect longer if children always drink it, just form milk the impact for the future become dangerous. People need fresh foods with dishes made from home. While, with the help of government by limiting refined products fast food, it would be good for the future.

Hi Andika, sorry to say that the flow of your Writing is really confusing.

Causes of death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual. (what do you mean??)

Food revolution need for better future (maybe you want to say: food revolution is needed for a better future)

... teenagers suffer an obesity. (since many teenagers suffer the obesity)
Thank u.

hi...
your essay is quite good..
here my suggestions..

need revolution for[to] make them healthy like usual. Food revolution [is] need[needed] for better future,[.]because of [caused by] the food[,] many teenagers ...

i hope it helps..

Hy there.
your essay is good enough, but you need to improve your vocabulary for increasing your vocabulary score.
==> Try to use ( such as ) when you want to give a cople of examples
==> Many children do not know about kinds of vegetables and fruit(s)